


A Gift From Me To You

by sign_from_god_complex



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (but none of the main characters), Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Communication, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Logan Needs A Hug, M/M, Remy is an excellent friend, Roman has hardcore self-esteem issues but we love him, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, cause I'm a trans mess and I do what I want, even if it takes a while to get there, i promise this has a happy ending, lots of emotions, nonbinary remy, they all need a hug to some extent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-10-08 15:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17389238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sign_from_god_complex/pseuds/sign_from_god_complex
Summary: It was nothing really. Just a tiny little doodle on his inner wrist—a flower, something resembling a large daisy, but not quite. It wasn’t anything to get worked up over. Except, of course, for the most important fact: Virgil didn’t draw it.Some people didn't ever get a soulmark, and that was fine. The four of them had, more or less successfully, resigned themselves to living their lives without a soulmate; that was just the way it was and there was nothing they could do about it. Of course, it could never be that simple.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first long fanfic I've written! The idea of posting it in sections before I've finished writing it all highkey terrifies me, but I'm gonna give it a go anyway, so hopefully it'll all go okay. I hope you enjoy it!! If you post a comment you own my entire heart <3
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr!! ~ [sign-from-god-complex](https://sign-from-god-complex.tumblr.com/) ~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four lives are changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mention of parental death, mentions of bullying.

It was nothing really. Just a tiny little doodle on his inner wrist—a flower, something resembling a large daisy, but not quite. It wasn’t anything to get worked up over. Except, of course, for the most important fact: Virgil didn’t draw it.

Virgil knew about soulmates. Most of the population were lucky enough to be linked to a certain person that was more suited to them than anyone else. The link was expressed through a drawing on their wrist which somehow related to their relationship, called a soulmark. The mark could be anything from music notes, to a shared favourite food, to a brand logo, and it usually showed up when you were around 5 or so years of age, but sometimes it was as late as 10. The link wasn’t intrinsically romantic; a person’s soulmate didn’t have to be their lover and just as commonly ended up being a lifelong best friend instead.

People had theorised for millennia over the origin of soulmarks, but Virgil hadn’t listened or cared. Because when he said, “Most of the population”, he meant the part of the population he wasn’t included in. Virgil didn’t have a soulmate.

Or so he thought.

Virgil frantically searched through his day for some reasoning behind the ink on his skin. Did Remy doodle on him while he wasn’t paying attention in class? Did he press his wrist up against someone else’s drawing that hadn’t dried fully? _Did he do it in his sleep?_  

He was fully aware he was being ridiculous, but when something you’ve believed for your entire life—practically built your life around—turns out to not be true, it’s kind of hard to stay calm. It’s like finding out you’re adopted or finding out Pluto isn’t a planet. It was entirely unprecedented and not entirely welcome. So, in the midst of his panic, he called his best friend Remy.

The phone rang a few times before he heard a voice on the other end.

“Wassup?”

Remy sounded slightly groggy, and then Virgil remembered it was 2 am and he’d been just about to go to bed before he noticed the mark. Virgil felt a stab of guilt go through him for waking Remy up from the very little sleep they managed to get. He was being silly, this could have easily waited until the morning, he shouldn’t bother them wi-

“Virge, it’s fine, gurl,” Remy said, interrupting Virgil’s spiralling thoughts, “I can nap in class if I really need the sleep. We both know I don’t understand the lesson either way.”

Remy always seemed to know exactly what Virgil was thinking and managed to cut him off at the pass before he panicked too much. It was one of the reasons they were such good friends, considering how different they were.

Remy was a massive extrovert. They lived for parties and hangouts and though Virgil remained their best friend, it was rare to see Remy without someone else around. Virgil, on the other hand, hated meeting people and kept to himself as best he could. Remy was pretty much his only friend—although he had acquaintances that he liked, he didn’t feel as comfortable around them as he did around Remy. No matter how annoying they were sometimes.

Honestly, if Virgil hadn’t known Remy already had a soulmate, he would have claimed they were the source of Virgil’s mark.

Virgil cleared his throat. “Rem, you didn’t, like, doodle on me in class or anything, did you?”

His voice shook a little due to all the emotions that were rushing through him right now. Virgil could hear Remy’s confusion through the phone.

“No? What’s going on, Virge? You’re worrying me.”

“Cause, I, uh-”

Preparing to tell Remy about his mark, he glanced down at his wrist briefly and his breath caught in his throat.

His soulmark had changed.

What was once the outline of a simple flower had become a small bouquet. On his wrist were about half a dozen daisy-like flowers, all in shades of blue, purple and red, and tied up neatly in a golden bow. It was gorgeous, bright and shining and more than he deserved.

He heard Remy calling his name through the haze that had descended upon him.

“Virgil, I swear to god, do not make me come over there and kick your-”

“Sorry, Remy,” Virgil replied, “I just… I think I have a soulmark.”

There was a good 5 seconds of silence before Remy spoke up again.

“What?”

They sounded completely baffled, like this was the very last thing they had been expecting Virgil to say, which was completely justified. People didn’t just  _get_ soulmarks. Virgil was 17, the time for him to develop a soulmark had long since passed. It was entirely unheard of…

And yet.

“Are you… are you sure, Virge? Like, it couldn’t just be a prank or something?”

Remy sounded hesitant to suggest that Virgil’s supposed soulmark could be anything but genuine. Making fun of someone for not having a mark was hugely cruel, but, of course, it happened anyway. Virgil had definitely gone through his fair share of bullying due to his lack of a soulmark, and therefore, his lack of a soulmate. But, unless the person pranking him was entirely incorporeal and able to wipe his skin completely clean and draw something new without him noticing (highly, _h_ _ighly_ unlikely, but technically not impossible), there’s no way this could be a prank.

“No, it _changed_ , Remy. It, uh, it’s different now than it was when I called you.”

A beat.

“Oh, well that’s…” Remy took a deep breath. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

Clearly, neither of them had any idea what to do in this situation.

“This is a good thing, right?” Remy sounded unsure.

Soulmates were something Virgil had always been kind of cynical about, but mostly that came from the culture surrounding it. It hurt, being left out of something that people seemed so excited about. Soulmates dominated almost every form of media and whenever a character didn’t have a soulmark it was always a weird point of tension. Usually, these characters were robots or aliens or just plain “weird”.

Truly though, Virgil hadn’t longed for a soulmark, he’d longed for a change in the culture. He hadn’t thought of himself as weird or broken, no matter what bullies at school would say. He realised there was a percentage of the population who just didn’t have the same experiences as the rest, but just because they’re small doesn’t mean they’re less important. He’d built his identity around the belief that he didn’t need to have a soulmark to be worthy or deserving of love of any kind. So, getting one… left a lot for him to process.

He chuckled lightly. “I’m not sure? I think so? I… don’t know what I feel right now.”

“That’s… that’s fair.”

There were a few more moments where neither of them said anything, just thinking, before Virgil stirred into motion.

“We can talk about this more at school tomorrow, Rem, yeah? I think it would be best if we both got some sleep.”

A yawn was heard from Remy at the mention of sleep and Virgil’s mouth quirked up at the corners slightly.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, sounds good,” they replied and Virgil could hear the sound of rustling blankets as Remy moved further back under the covers, “Goodnight, Virge.”

“Goodnight, Rem.”

\-------------------------

Roman had noticed his soulmark almost the second it had appeared. He’d spent the evening running lines with some of his friends in the drama club, as they were coming up on their performance of Anything Goes, and Roman had been cast as the male lead.

The auditorium had long since been closed and so the small group had retired to Roman’s house to continue practising. Roman had insisted his parents wouldn’t mind, after all, they weren’t likely to be home anyway.

They’d been running through You’re The Top when Roman had glanced down at his script to clarify a line and stopped dead in his tracks.

“Roman?” Valerie questioned, “It’s your line, dude.”

Roman didn’t reply, his eyes fixated on his wrist where a small doodle of a flower sat. Where did it come from? He was quite sure it hadn’t been there before, he would have noticed it! Wouldn’t he? His world was swirling with so many emotions he almost felt he had to sit down. But first, he turned to Valerie.

“Did you draw this?”

His voice was calm, too calm for the situation. His acting skills were kicking into high gear, assisting him in keeping his emotions under wraps for just a moment longer.

“What? Roman, I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” Valerie replied.

She didn’t, of course. Roman knew Valerie would never do something so cruel to him. Valerie was the Reno to his Billy, both for the purposes of the musical and also in real life. They were excellent friends and any romantic feelings either of them may have had at one point or another was put into the past long ago, as they both had someone they loved now.

Valerie knew his lack of a soulmark was a touchy subject. Roman was a romantic at heart, that was clear to see within one interaction with him. As soon as he’d learned about the concept of soulmates at 4 years old, Roman had been obsessed with the idea that there was a perfect person out there for him. Out there in the great wide world, there was a person who understood him better than anyone else ever could and they didn’t even know him yet. It was intoxicating, believing that you’re loved at your core from the moment you’re born, waiting for them to show themselves.

So of course, Roman’s 5th birthday went by without a soulmark. And then his 6th, and his 7th and his 8th. By the time his 11th birthday came he thought maybe his soulmark was just a little late, but when he reached his 12th birthday he’d finally given up hope. He’d locked himself away in his room for over a week, sobbing and screaming about how it wasn’t fair. _It wasn’t fair! He deserved to be loved like that! Why wasn’t he good enough?_

Roman had moved past the immediate rejection he had felt, but to this day he still felt a pang of sadness every time he watched a romance movie or saw couples in public holding hands and laughing, matching soulmarks on display. He knew he didn’t have to have a soulmark to have love, but… sometimes he forgot.

Roman’s eyes filled with tears as he struggled to comprehend what he was seeing. He spun around to glare at the other cast members in the room, his face stormy. He thrust his wrist out towards them.

“Did one of you do this?!” he yelled, his voice almost breaking, “This isn’t funny! Did you do this?!”

The rest of the cast shook their heads frantically, looking slightly terrified by Roman’s demeanour. Though he may be a drama queen, none of them had ever seen him quite like this. This wasn’t drama, this was pain.

Roman was… well, he wasn’t sure what he was about to do, but he was about to do something, except he was interrupted. Another cast member, Terrence, pointed to his wrist and said, “ _Roman…”_

Roman pulled his wrist back to look at it again, the little doodle of a flower still ingrained in his mind, except… this wasn’t a little doodle. This wasn’t what he’d seen at all. It had _changed_.

And the bottom dropped out from under him and he was falling.

He sobbed the same way he had 5 years ago, completely unabashed and totally lost. And amidst all the despair and confusion, there was hope rising in his chest. Hope that he’d let go of so long ago, hope that maybe, there  _was_ a perfect person for him, hope that maybe he was loved after all.

And so with Valerie wrapping her arms around Roman’s shaking form…

Roman broke.

\-------------------------

Patton was woken up by a call from his boyfriend. Quickly wiping the sleep out of his eyes, he scrambled to grab his phone from the nightstand and answer it before it rang through.

“Heya, Ro,” he mumbled, still not quite awake.

A quick glance at his clock revealed it to be 4 in the morning, which was slightly concerning. Although Roman didn’t answer to any kind of sleeping schedule, he didn’t usually call Patton during the night. Pat would often wake up to an array of texts about anything from the cool bird he saw to how much he loved him, but calls were reserved for more immediate problems and never past 11 pm. He hoped everything was alright.

A closer listen indicated things may very well  _not_ be alright. Roman’s breathing was kind of unsteady and Patton could hear sniffing like he’d been crying. He immediately shot up straight in his bed, turning on the bedside lamp to wake him up a bit.

“Ro? Love, are you alright? What’s going on? Do you need me to come and get you?”

A laugh was heard from Roman, though it was slightly watery and quiet.

“No, mi corazón, I- I just need you to do me a favour, okay?"

Patton nodded, before realising Roman couldn’t see him.

“Yeah, okay, Ro. What is it?”

“Can you just… just look down at your wrist?”

Patton sighed.

“Ro, we’ve talked about this…”

Patton knew his boyfriend got insecure about their lack of soulmarks. It was something he’d confessed to after Patton had confronted him over dropping his hand when in public. At the time it had hurt; it had made him feel like he was some dirty little secret or that Ro was ashamed of him. After Roman had admitted what was truly going on, though, all Patton wanted to do was swaddle him up in a blanket and kiss him until he realised how much he was loved.

Patton had been raised by four loving parents who didn’t all share a soulmark. Their relationship was complicated, Patton knew, but he also knew that it was wonderful. As far as he was concerned, soulmates were a building block, a foundation. They may give you a place to start, a place to call home when you’re unsure about where to go, but you can build those things for yourself! You can build a foundation and you can build a home, with a family—or a found family—there to stay by your side.

A soulmate may be _an_ important relationship you have, but it shouldn’t be  _the only_ important relationship you have, and not having a soulmate just meant having to form more important relationships by yourself. It doesn’t make you any less deserving of love, it just means you have to do the work yourself to find it.

He’d talked to Roman about this quite a few times when he was feeling particularly down about his lack of soulmark, and he’d really seemed like he was moving forward. So this request felt like 3 steps backwards.

“No, Patton, please. Just… do this for me. _Please_.”

Roman sounded like he was on the edge of breaking apart, so Patton agreed, looking down at his wrists in the lamplight and…

Oh.

His breath left him in one big rush. There, on his wrist, was a beautiful drawing of a bouquet of flowers. A drawing, he surely did not do. He rotated his wrist back and forth, watching mesmerised as the colours shimmered.

“Ro…” Patton whispered, voice breathless, “How did you… ”

“Do you have one too? Patton, I-” his words were coming out shaky now, rushed and teary, “I didn't understand and I thought it was a joke but I just had to know and I-”

Patton pulled the covers back and rushed to stand up, grabbing his keys from off his chest of drawers.

“Roman, where are you?”

He didn’t even bother changing out of his pyjamas, just stuffed his feet into his sneakers and carefully crept down the stairs. He knows that if one of his parents caught him they would still let him go, but they would insist on driving him there and would probably ask for some kind of explanation. An explanation Patton didn’t have.

“I’m at th-the park, near my house,” Roman managed to get out through his increasingly quick breaths, “I just, I had a _breakdown_ in front of everyone and I needed to think and I can’t-”

“You’re alright, sweetheart, you’re fine. Just breathe. I’ll be there in 5, okay?”

After an answering okay from Roman, Patton hung up the call. He quickly scribbled down a note to leave on the kitchen counter just in case one of his parents woke up to find him missing, before he rushed out to the car and started the drive to the park.

With all his worrying over Roman, Patton had barely had time to examine his own feelings on the situation. It was clear Roman had spontaneously gained a soulmark too, and considering the odds that more than two people would mysteriously gain a soulmark in one night, Patton assumed they were matching. Which was… wow. That was amazing.

He loved Roman, he knew that already. It hadn’t mattered to him in the slightest that neither of them had a soulmark, but he knew this was something Ro worried about. Once he got past the mess of this evening, Patton was happy that Roman would be a little bit more sure that Patton truly did love him. It did, of course, raise the question of why and how they’d even gained these soulmarks, but that wasn’t for Patton to worry about. Right now, he just had to focus on driving and getting to his boyfriend.

\-------------------------

Logan hadn’t noticed the mark until later that day, considering he followed something resembling a sleep schedule.

To Logan, this had begun simply as any other day would. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, got changed and went downstairs to make breakfast. It was all done on autopilot, a morning routine that he’d gone through so many times he didn’t even have to think about it anymore. Until he tried to start breakfast.

He placed the bread in the toaster and then searched around for a moment, trying to find his Crofters. His Dad loved to hide the jars so that he could steal them himself. Logan had told him many times that he was the adult who was supplying him with the Crofters and if he wanted some he could just buy more. His Dad responded by saying that things just tasted better when they were stolen, to which Logan would roll his eyes and take the jelly to begin his meal.

After opening a few cupboards, Logan could see his jar on the top shelf, barely hidden behind a box of cereal. Logan was just tall enough to reach it, standing on his tip-toes and stretching out. He almost had it when something caught his eye.

His long-sleeved black button up was beginning to get slightly too small, so as he stretched the sleeves didn’t quite reach the end of his arms. And there, peaking out of the fabric, was something colourful on his wrist. Momentarily forgetting his Crofters, he pulled his sleeve back to get a closer look and stared in shock and awe at what he found. If you had gotten close enough to him, you may have had heard him make a whirring sound, akin to a computer that’s been given input it doesn’t understand.

He had a soulmark. He had… a soulmark. He had- _fuck_.

This went against everything he’d believed about himself for years.

Logan didn’t  _do_ emotions. He was logical, and there was nothing logical about emotions. Emotions were subjective and messy and caused more trouble than they were worth. His friends had often tried to convince him by pointing out all the positive emotions you can experience as well—things like love and joy and comfort and excitement, and sure. Those things weren’t unpleasant to experience, but they didn’t make up for all the negative emotions—the things like sadness and pain and grief and heartache and longing.

Emotions like those were what took his mother away from him before he was barely old enough to understand what it meant. Emotions like those are what forced Logan to have dial 911 to tell them his father wasn’t breathing and he didn’t understand why and he didn’t know what to _do and if he loses him he’d lose all he had left._

Emotions were… too much.

No. Soulmates were nothing more than a fantastical idea to promote heartbreak and pain, and Logan didn’t need that.

But it seemed the universe disagreed.

In a barely lucid state, Logan walked over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed out some bandages, wrapping them around his arm. If anyone asked, he could just say he’d strained it from typing too much. Luckily, he was ambidextrous, so writing with his right hand wouldn’t be so difficult. It wouldn’t work forever, but it would work until he found a more permanent solution.

So Logan returned to his breakfast, spreading Crofters on his toast and finishing preparing for the day.

A day like any other.


	2. Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman recalls the beginning of a friendship; Logan is reminded of his childhood; Virgil panics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: a slightly more in-depth mention of suicide, brief description of a panic attack.
> 
> I hope this lives up to expectations??? You’d think I would be less nervous about posting fanfiction at this point, but I’ve worked so fucking hard on this fic so I’m lowkey very anxious, haha. Also, summaries are so hard?? And these chapter names are just complete bullshit. I mean, honestly, does anyone pay attention to those anyway? I should have just gone with "chapter one" but I'm apparently too extra for that.

Patton and Roman arrived at school about ten minutes before the bell rang. Patton had stayed over at Roman’s after driving to see him that night and they’d spent the evening talking about what the soulmarks meant.

Pat was adamant that nothing had really changed. After all, he loved Roman no matter what the soulmark said, though it was nice to see the universe recognise that. Roman, after he’d calmed down slightly and after some persuading from Patton, agreed. He loved Patton and would have continued to do so even if the soulmark had never shown up. Now it was just… more official.

They’d decided they weren’t going to keep their marks secret. It would have hurt to hide them away after they’d only just discovered them, and anyway, if the drama club knew, it wouldn’t be long before the entire school did too. So they’d walked hand-in-hand to the front gate of the school before splitting up to head to their respective classes. Roman’s first class being maths, with their best friend Logan.

Logan had been an odd one, right from the very start.

Unsurprisingly, Patton makes friends left and right. He makes friends with anyone who’ll give him the time of day, and even those who won’t. Truly, Pat’s friendliness was one of the things Roman loved the most about him. He didn’t have any concept of social class, didn’t stay in his lane within the high school cliques, he just wanted to make sure everyone felt accepted and loved. It was truly heartwarming.

However, the first time Patton had shown up to their regular lunch table dragging a nerd by the arm behind him, Roman was a bit taken aback.

Patton had explained, very quickly and with lots of enthusiasm, that this was Logan and he was in his history class and he was  _so smart_  and he was his project partner for this and that, etc. etc. Roman had stopped listening after about 5 minutes. He loved Patton,  _truly_ he did, but sometimes he went a little bit overboard singing other people’s praises—which was fine when it was Roman’s praises he was singing, but it was a little boring when it wasn’t.

He’d tuned back in to Patton just in time to hear him say, “So what d’you think?”, his look questioning.

Roman had cursed himself out in his head for not paying attention. He certainly wasn’t going to let Patton know he wasn’t listening, cause he’d get that little concerned crease in his forehead and Roman would feel terrible. Which only left… giving some kind of answer, and sending a prayer out into the universe that it was an acceptable one—not that the universe had ever been great at answering his prayers before.

“Oh… yeah, sure…” he’d replied.

Patton’s answering grin had nearly blinded him. Roman had given a relieved sigh at the fact that clearly, he’d given the right answer, before Patton had turned to Logan.

“See, Logan! I told you he wouldn’t mind!”

Suddenly, Roman had become a lot more concerned about what exactly it was he’d agreed to.

It had appeared that Roman had agreed to let Logan hang out with them from that point on, as he’d seemed to have joined them on a majority of their out-of-school outings and he’d begun sitting with them at lunch regularly.

At first, Roman had been a bit put out by this. Patton was  _his_ boyfriend and he barely got to spend any time with him alone anymore! He’d tried his best to be nice despite his feelings though, because he’d known that if he’d been rude to Logan, Patton would have been crushed.

He’d almost perfected his act of polite but disinterested when a particularly bad day had caught up with him.

He’d had a horrible audition the night before, and he’d had to walk home in the rain since no one was there to pick him up. That’s not to mention that he’d come home to realise he’d left his window open and all the papers and writings he’d left on his desk had been soaked and completely ruined.

The next morning he’d realised they were out of breakfast foods and he’d have to skip breakfast and go out and get more that afternoon and on top of that, his favourite red coat had a stain on it. Everything had just snowballed until Roman was in a particularly foul mood.

Unfortunately, Roman hadn’t had any of his classes that morning with Patton, so he hadn’t seen him until he’d also seen Logan.

“Patton. Nerd,” he’d greeted with a slight sneer in Logan’s direction.

“Prep,” Logan had replied, taking his regular seat next to Patton at the table. And suddenly Roman hated that he was allowed a ‘regular’ seat.

“So how’s the geek squad going today? Oh I’m sorry, did I say geek squad? I meant squadless geek. Hah! You’re alone!”

Logan raised his eyebrows, looking unamused.

“Well, I was certainly doing better before I was exposed to your unfortunate visage. Did you know you’re the loudest person in this entire school? Both in personality and… attire. Even looking at you gives me a headache.”

Roman was shocked. Logan just looked at him, one eyebrow quirked, expression completely calm. He’d snarked  _back_. Suddenly, Roman was a lot more interested.

After that day, banter had become a regular feature of the friend group, though it had certainly held less sting. Roman had started to actually pay attention to what Logan said, and although a lot of it was nerd speak that he didn’t understand or care about, Logan did occasionally say some interesting things. They’d gotten into more than a few heated arguments, though they were always pretty quick to make up afterwards, with Roman spouting some nerd-related nickname and Logan gently insulting him. And one day Roman woke up to realise the nerd he’d spent so long ignoring and disliking was actually one of his best friends.

Said best friend was currently picking at a bandage wrapped around his wrist; a bandage that had definitely not been there when he’d seen him yesterday.

“Heya, specs,” Roman said, dropping into the seat next to him, “What’s up with your wrist? You hurt it or something?”

Logan looked slightly pained before his usual calm expression took over his face again.

“Yes. I’ve just strained it from too much typing, I think. Nothing to worry about.”

Roman raised his eyebrows at that. Patton always worried about him overworking himself. If he heard Logan had injured himself doing just that, no bathroom he could hide in would be safe.

Logan had a tendency to push himself past his limits, insisting that he  _had_ to finish this assignment tonight or he  _had_ to spend all night studying for this test. It drove Pat insane trying to get Logan to take care of himself for once—truly a never-ending journey.

Roman had even tried to give his input on one occasion, telling Logan that grades weren’t the most important thing and who cares about how you do on one assignment anyway? Logan had become so instantly furious with him that Roman had never tried again, simply pointing Patton over to him whenever he felt it was needed and taking his leave. He loved Logan, but he certainly could be scary sometimes.

Before Roman could relay any his thoughts to Logan, however, the teacher entered the room. Roman rushed to grab his book out of his bag before he could get called out. Logan refused to talk during lessons, so Roman would just have to wait until after class.

————————

As soon as the bell rang, signifying the end of the period, Logan swept his books into his bag and rushed out the door before Roman could even open his mouth to speak to him.

He  _knew_ Roman was going to speak to him. Logan wasn’t the world’s most excellent liar, in fact it would be fair to say he wasn’t very good at all, so he knew he needed to minimise the number of questions about his wrist in any way that he could. If this included spending less time outside class with his friends, well, then so be it.

Logan couldn’t risk them seeing it. He couldn’t risk them cooing over it, telling Logan how pretty it was, how lucky he was that he finally had a soulmate. Logan didn’t want a soulmate.

Not anymore.

When he was younger, soulmates had fascinated him the same way they’d fascinated Roman, but not for the same reasons. While Roman had adored the romance of it all, Logan had been interested in the science; he’d wanted to know how soulmarks were formed and why.

When he was about 7, he’d gone around the neighbourhood one day with a little tape recorder asking every couple he knew—both with matching soulmarks and without—a series of questions. People are always more willing to answer the questions of children, as they feel they have to indulge them, and Logan used this to his advantage.

The last couple he’d asked were his own parents. Though he knew a lot of the answers to his questions already, he still had to ask them, for the sake of scientific accuracy.

It had been a good day. The sun had shone through the window onto the kitchen table where they sat. His mother had laughed at his father as he’d pretended to forget the story of how they met, nevermind that they’d both told it to him a hundred times. After he’d completed his questions he shook both their hands before his father lifted him up and set him on the counter to help with dinner. His mother had giggled as he tried to steal pieces of food that she was chopping up and his father had spun him around as he laughed.

Logan thought that in that moment his parents had been the most beautiful he had ever seen them, because they were  _happy_. Though, it seemed it couldn’t last.

Logan had gone over his data later that evening and found… nothing. There was no consistent level of similar or correlated personality traits, there were no common favourite foods or colours, there was nothing in Logan’s data set to indicate that these people should be any better suited for each other than any others.

All his research was useless. Logan didn’t understand, and he hated not understanding.

Within the next week, his mother was gone. Strung up in her room, her beautiful smile missing from her face, her body limp and lifeless.

Another thing Logan didn’t understand.

There would be no more stealing food off her chopping board as she cooked dinner, there would be no more listening to her correct his father when he joked that they’d certainly met at a clown festival, right? There would be no more hugs or evenings on the couch or her comforting him when he was sad.

And he was sad.

His father’s smile seemed a little more fragile after that, and slowly as time went by, he stopped smiling altogether. Logan was left to get himself to school and complete his homework alone at the kitchen table. He was fine. He had school work to do, he needn't worry about anything else. School work didn’t require him to feel, it just required him to think, and that’s the way he preferred it. Emotions were awful, ugly things. He didn’t need that.

When Logan had come home to find his father on the couch, too still to be breathing, so reminiscent of the way his mother had been, Logan was reminded of why he’d avoided emotions in the first place.

The call to the emergency services had been teary and had since become hazy in his mind. He’d joined his father in the ride to the hospital and by the time he’d finally awoken, Logan was  _furious_.

He’d yelled at him. He’d yelled and yelled until his voice was hoarse and his breaths were quick and choppy. He’d yelled until one of the nurses had to come in to tell him he was disturbing the other patients. He yelled until he was sobbing on the floor, mourning his sense of innocence and the childhood he never got to finish.

Mourning the mother he barely got to love.

So, when his 10th birthday came and went, Logan was pleased that he hadn’t developed a soulmark. Soulmates were dangerous, he knew that now, no matter how much he’d once thought them beautiful.

And, if somewhere—pushed back into the dark corners of his mind or maybe buried deeply in his heart—he longed for his soulmate to be Roman or Patton, well… that was no one’s business but his own.

————————

Virgil’s first class seemed to drag on forever. His head was still reeling with the events of the previous night, and he just wanted to get to English with Remy so that they could… well, he wasn’t exactly sure what. He just needed to talk to them to try and get his goddamn feelings sorted out.

So, of course, it was just his luck that first period ran late and he barely had time to get to English class before the teacher showed up. Taking his usual seat at the back of the room next to his best friend, Virgil grabbed out his book and scribbled down a note, before passing it across the aisle to Remy.

_D’you wanna see it?_

Remy had been practically buzzing since the moment Virgil had walked in. It was a massive change of pace from how’d they’d been last night, but to be fair, it had been 2 am and they’d both been in a slight state of shock.

They quickly grabbed out a pen and gave their reply.

_GUURL!! OF COURSE I WANT TO SEE IT!!!_

Virgil chuckled slightly under his breath. Remy was certainly an excitable person when given good reason to be. Their energy was sort of limitless, and yet at the same time, they were pretty much always tired; it was a weird balance Virgil had yet to figure out.

Virgil was about to pull back the sleeve of his hoodie when he was interrupted by a whisper from the two boys sitting in front of him. Normally, this wouldn’t have given him pause, but who they were whispering about was a… point of interest for Virgil.

“Did you hear what happened to Roman Prince last night?”

Ah, yes, Roman Prince. Roman Prince, the head of the drama club; Roman Prince, the most handsome person you’ll ever meet; Roman Prince, who Virgil had had a crush on before he’d even realised he liked boys.

Roman Prince, who didn’t have a soulmark, but did have a boyfriend, and was far too good for Virgil anyway.

 _That_ Roman Prince.

Remy looked impatient and Virgil just held up one finger to indicate he needed a second.

“No, what happened?”

“He developed a soulmark!”

Virgil felt his heart stop in his chest.

“What? Really?”

“Yeah! He had, like, a breakdown in front of the entire drama club cause he thought it was a prank, but I saw it change! Like, ‘simple flower’... then BOOM! ‘Bouquet of flowers’. It was like blinking or something.”

Virgil had gone stock still in his chair. His blood was rushing in his ears, drowning out the sound of the room around him.

He’d been willing to write it off as a coincidence that they’d both spontaneously developed soulmarks on the same day, but that… sounded like his soulmark. Which was impossible, right? I mean, Roman Prince was extraordinary. He was the most talented actor and singer Virgil had ever encountered (though he may be slightly biased); he got the lead for the musical almost every year, and nobody was ever surprised. Even his boyfriend was extraordinary. Patton Hart was one of the kindest people at this school, always looking for people to stand up for or to help out.

Virgil was just… ordinary. He didn’t deserve Roman;  _Patton_ deserved Roman.

He was about to raise his hand to ask to go to the bathroom so he could have a breakdown in peace when his eyes caught on a piece of paper sitting on his desk.

_CALL ME WHEN YOU GET OUTSIDE. I WON’T PICK UP, I JUST NEED AN EXCUSE TO LEAVE._

Virgil stuffed both the note and his cellphone in his pocket before getting the affirmative from the teacher and dashing out the door. He grabbed out his phone as he ran down the corridor and was just about to hit call for Remy’s number when he ran directly into a solid object and was sent sprawling to the ground.

“Woah! Slow down there, dark and stormy night,” Virgil heard a voice say, “You’re gonna hurt yourself running around like that.”

Virgil turned over only to meet the eyes of the last person he wanted to see right now: Roman Prince. Virgil didn’t reply, just stared for a few moments before searching around frantically for his cell phone, hoping he hadn’t broken it in the fall. He spotted it, just in time to see Roman lean down to pick it up.

“Oh, you’re friends with Remy Wake? I know him! Cool dude.”

Virgil’s brain granted him the small mercy of processing that sentence enough to provide some kind of appropriate response.

“Them,” Virgil croaked.

“Sorry?”

Roman sounded confused, but Virgil pressed on.

“Remy’s genderqueer; they use they/them pronouns.”

Honestly, thank god that his need to make sure Remy’s gender is known and respected outweighed his increasing panic. And his panic was definitely increasing. He needed to get out of this situation before he made an even worse impression than he already had and had a panic attack in front of the guy.

“Oh, my bad! Thanks for letting me know!”

Roman gave Virgil a dazzling smile, which made Virgil feel slightly lightheaded, before reaching his hand out to help Virgil back to his feet. It was fair to say that any semblance of calm Virgil once had in this moment was completely blown out of the water at this point, because there, on Roman’s wrist, was a bouquet of daisy-like flowers. An exact match to Virgil’s soulmark.

Virgil scrambled to his feet, ignoring the hurt that flashed across Roman’s face as he denied his offer for help. Before Roman could even blink, Virgil had snatched his phone out of his hand and disappeared down the corridor.

Locking himself in the furthest bathroom stall, Virgil sank to his knees. Tears were stinging in his eyes and it was getting harder and harder to control his breathing. He tried to dial Remy’s number but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

How could the universe have gotten things so wrong?

Virgil knew the groups that Roman hung out with. He may be a drama geek, but he was one of the most popular and talented people in the entire school. His boyfriend was one of the kindest and his best friend was one of the smartest. Virgil didn’t belong anywhere in that picture. The only thing Virgil was “one of the most” of was anxious. Yeah, Virgil was certainly one of the most anxious people you’ll ever meet, but anxiety doesn’t gain you awards or popularity. Rather the opposite.

“Hey, kiddo, you alright in there?”

A voice cut through his thoughts and Virgil’s stomach dropped through the floor as he recognised whose voice it was.

Patton Hart, aka Roman’s boyfriend.


	3. Support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton reminisces, reflects, and helps Virgil work some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: A continuation of Virgil’s panic attack from the last chapter and some negative thinking.
> 
> I think I’m pretty happy with this chapter overall! Ngl, a tiny bit worried about keeping up the schedule of posting every two weeks considering that I only have one more chapter pre-written so far--I'm working on chapter 5 atm--but hopefully I'll manage to get some stuff done in the next couple weeks now that I'm a lil less busy.
> 
> But anyway, I hope y’all like it!!!

****Patton’s first class had gone by like a breeze. Truthfully, he felt like he was walking on air. He knows he told Roman that nothing had changed, but really, it was hard not to be a little bit excited when you find out the boy you love is as perfect for you as you’d always thought.

Of course, his excitement also came with a few points of sadness as well.

When you don’t have a soulmark, society doesn’t see any of your relationships as more important than any other. Everything had equal potential. A friend had the potential to become your best friend or a partner. A partner had the potential to become someone you hated or someone you’d spend the rest of your life with. It was a grab bag; nothing was guaranteed.

When you had a soulmate, that person was always going to be the most important person to you in society’s eyes. It didn’t matter if you had a partner you loved with all your heart, your soulmate was more important than them. It didn’t matter if you had someone else you wanted to ask to be your boyfriend too, your soulmate was more important than them. Your soulmate was _always_ going to be more important than them.

Patton  _hated_ that line of thinking.

There wasn’t some weird cap on the amount of love you can give out to people—if Patton’s parents had taught him one thing, it was that. Patton was perfectly capable of loving someone else just as much as he loved Ro, and as a matter of fact, he did. He was just afraid he’d missed his window.

Logan had weird beliefs about soulmates. Despite Patton’s insistence that they’re just another form of relationship, no different than a regular friendship or boyfriend—except maybe a bit closer—Logan refused to agree. He remained adamant that soulmates were somehow more special and resulted in an infinitely closer bond that none of the three of them could ever understand.

It bothered Patton because he always looked so bitter as he said it. Logan wasn’t a romantic, in fact, he’d expressly stated on more than one occasion that he was glad he didn’t have a soulmate. It was something him and Roman had argued about several times before, slightly more angrily than their regular arguments since it seemed to be a sore spot for both of them.

Patton wished he knew why soulmarks upset Logan so much, but he refused to talk about it. Every time Patton asked Logan just mumbled something about abandonment or hypocrites, before changing the subject.

Logan would definitely see his and Roman’s relationship as more “special” or “important” than either of their relationships with him and this worried Patton a lot. Barring any other feelings Patton may have for Logan, he didn’t want to lose their friendship because Logan thought Patton cared about him less than he cared about Ro, or something equally as silly.

He’d managed to convince Roman to hold off saying anything to Logan until they were both there, but they knew they had to talk to him about it today, or else Logan may find out through someone other than them. They didn’t want to risk him feeling like they didn’t trust him or something.

A lot of their evening had been spent discussing what was going to happen with Logan now that they had soulmarks, actually. Because this was more than just Patton being worried about slipping away from his best friend, Patton was also worried about losing his chance to ask Logan on a date so soon after him and Roman had finally worked it out.

The day he had confessed to Roman that he had a crush on Logan had not been a good day.

Patton had come to realise his feelings for Logan at some point almost 6 months ago. It wasn’t like Logan did one thing and suddenly Patton had felt completely differently towards him than he had before, it was more subtle than that. Patton had noticed one day just how his feelings had changed from that platonic appreciation he had felt when he met Logan to something more complex.

And it had been exciting! Patton liked developing new feelings for people! It just filled his heart with wonderful new possibilities. And sure, there was a chance things wouldn’t work out, but there always was, and he was willing to risk it anyway.

The two of them had gone back to Roman’s house after school that day. Logan didn’t join them as he had a test to study for and Patton had thought it was the perfect time to tell Roman about his feelings. Communication was the secret to a healthy relationship after all; it wouldn’t do to keep something this important from his boyfriend.

Patton sometimes forgot that not everybody saw the world as he did. So when hurt had flashed across Roman’s face as quick and bright as a shooting star, Patton had realised he’d messed up.

Roman had turned away almost instantly, though not before Patton had seen tears welling up in his eyes.

“Oh, shoot, Ro,” he’d whispered, “No. Hey, hey, hey, come here.”

Roman had walked over to the window, away from Patton, wrapping his arms around himself. He’d been shaking slightly and Patton had longed to hold him until he was okay again.

“Logan’s great,” Roman’s voice had broken, though Patton had known he was trying not to show it, “I’m sure you two will be very happy together.”

With a barely audible sigh, Patton had moved to stand behind Roman, leaving some distance between them.

“Roman Prince, you turn around and look at me right now,” Patton had said, as sternly as he could muster. Which hadn’t been very stern, considering he’d been watching Roman’s heart break right in front of him and it was all his fault.  _He should have been more careful._

Roman had turned around, his eyes falling on a spot over Patton’s shoulder, and Patton’s gaze had followed the tear tracks leading down Roman’s face. All he’d wanted to do was wipe them away and wrap his arms around him, but he knew he couldn’t. Not yet.

“Roman.”

Patton’s voice had been soft and kind and infused with all the love Patton had for him. It’d caused Roman to flick his eyes to land on Patton’s face and in return, Patton had given a soft smile.

“ _I love you_ ,” Patton had put as much conviction into the words as was possible, urging Roman to believe him, “I love you  _so, so much._ ”

Roman’s eyes had become watery again, and he’d sniffed slightly as Patton had put his hands on Roman’s waist, drawing him in closer.

“I have an infinite amount of love,” Patton had said, “You know that about me.”

Roman had laughed a little as he nodded. Patton loved Roman’s laugh. It was anywhere from big and boisterous to soft and shy, and every time he heard it it made him want to cover Roman’s face in kisses. But this laugh was tired and self-deprecating and Patton couldn’t stand for that.

“I love animals; I love cookies; I love my parents,” Patton had continued, “I love sunsets and I love hugs. I love onesies and blankets and helping people in need.”

He’d looked Roman directly in the eye.

“I love you. And I love Logan.”

Patton had paused for a second, thinking his next words through. Their breathing had been soft and quiet, barely taking up an inch of space in the bedroom.

“I don’t love you any less because I also love cookies. It’s not like, onesies get 15% of my love and animals get 23% and I have to ration it all out. You all get 100% of my love.  _You_ , Roman, get 100% of my love.”

A tear had rolled down Roman’s cheek and Patton had moved his hand from Roman’s waist to wipe it away. As Patton’s thumb had slid across his skin another tear had mirrored the action on Roman’s other cheek, so Patton had reached up to cradle Roman’s face in his hands.

Roman’s eyes had been closed. Tears had clung to his eyelashes and his face was covered in a light blush. He’d looked so fragile and beautiful that Patton couldn’t have done anything but slowly bring their lips together.

The kiss hadn’t been heated, but it had been warm. Roman had poured every insecurity he had into it and Patton had felt his chest expand as he’d responded with love. The kiss had been soft and slow, like a lazy Sunday morning waking up next to your partner, the sun shining in through the open curtains, knowing you’re safe and you are loved. Patton knew he was safe and loved, and he’d needed Roman to know he was too.

As they’d broken away, Patton had leaned his forehead against Roman’s. Roman’s hands had migrated to rest on Patton’s hips, so Patton had linked his hands together behind Roman’s neck, gazing into his boyfriend’s eyes.

“My love for Logan does not diminish my love for you, my dear,” Patton had finished, “I love you with all my heart and I always will.”

Patton was pushed from his reminiscing by a text from his aforementioned boyfriend.

 ******👑 _My Prince_**  👑 _ **:**  cute boy just ran me down in the hallway. seemed upset. can you go check on him? i gotta get to class._

Patton smiled. Roman seemed to act like he didn’t care about other people’s feelings sometimes, but that wasn’t true at all. Half of the people Patton comforted he only knew were upset because Roman pointed them out to him.

Roman knew Patton loved helping people and Roman liked to claim he wasn’t any good at comfort, though Patton knew that wasn’t true either. Really, he thinks the incident with Logan spooked him. Roman was always excellent at cheering Patton up when he was upset, just another way they worked so well together.

He had a free period now, which Roman knew, so he typed out his reply.

_**Patton-Pending:**  Sure!! Where were you?? <3_

Barely a second went by before Patton got another text; Roman always was a scarily fast typer.

👑  _ **My Prince**_ **👑** **** _: main corridor of the west building, near the english classrooms. he was headed towards the bathrooms i think xx_

_**Patton-Pending:**  On it!!! Xxx_

Thankfully in Patton’s nostalgic haze, he’d wandered somewhat in the direction of the right building, so it only took him a couple minutes to arrive at the bathrooms Roman had indicated.

As he pushed open the door, Patton could hear heavy breaths echo around the room, interspersed with the occasional quietly muttered swear word. Patton wanted to chastise the boy for his language, but he also knew that now really wasn’t the time.

“Hey, kiddo, you alright in there?” Patton asked as he slid down the wall to sit outside the boy’s bathroom stall.

It was a mostly rhetorical question since Patton knew he clearly wasn’t alright, but his answer, or lack thereof, could give Patton some insight into his state of mind.

There was a slight hitch in the breathing, but no audible reply from the other side of the door, so Patton tried again.

“Kiddo, I’m gonna need you to breathe with me, okay? Do you think you can do that for me?” he paused for one moment, but after receiving no reply, continued, “Knock once for yes, twice for no.”

There was an agonising moment where he didn’t think he was going to get an answer from the boy at all before Patton heard one quiet knock on the bathroom floor. He breathed out a sigh of relief. Although there were things he could still do to help the boy calm down, it was much easier with some degree of cooperation.

“Alright, you’re doing so well already, okay? I just need you to breathe with me, in for four, hold for seven and out for eight and I’m gonna count out loud, okay?”

There was one more soft knock before Patton began to count, listening carefully to the boy’s breathing to check whether he was able to follow along. There were a few failed attempts, the boy’s breathing unsteady and panicked, but after several minutes, he seemed to have calmed down quite considerably. Patton relaxed just a little bit more.

There was a short moment of silence before the boy spoke up, “Thank you.”

Patton smiled. The boy’s voice was sort of croaky, but Patton was glad that he felt confident enough to talk to him. Patton may even be able to get him to discuss what it was that made him so upset in the first place, as long as he makes it clear that he’s willing to listen.

“No problem, kiddo! That’s what I’m here for!” Patton responded, “My name’s Patton, what about you?”

There was a quiet, semi-humourous chuckle from the other boy.

“You can call me Anxiety.”

Patton hummed slightly. If Anxiety wanted to go by a fake name, Patton wasn’t going to call him out on it. There are tons of reasons why he might not want Patton to know who he is, including feeling embarrassed about having a panic attack in the bathroom.

“Okay, Anxiety,” Patton said, “You think you feel up to talking about what made you so upset?”

There was a long enough pause that Patton felt for sure he was going to refuse to talk, but just as Patton was going to let him know that there’s no pressure to agree, Anxiety said, “I found my soulmate today.”

Patton gasped. “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for y-”

“ _No._ ”

Anxiety’s voice was harsh and pained. Patton immediately snapped his mouth shut.  _He should have been more careful._  It was clear that this had upset Anxiety, so he shouldn’t have acted so excited about something that was obviously not a positive experience for him. Before he could apologise though, Anxiety pushed on.

“He… He already has a boyfriend. And they’re good together. Better than we could ever be, I’m sure. He’s- God, Patton, he’s too good for me. I know that soulmarks are designed by the universe, or whatever, but they must have made a mistake. _I’m not good enough for him._ ”

Patton let Anxiety’s words wash over him as he tried to come up with some advice. He thought it was best to deal with this issue bit by bit, rather than addressing it all at once and overwhelming him.

“Now, kiddo, if you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m gonna have to physically fight you!”

There was another chuckle from Anxiety, though this one slightly more upbeat. “Gonna have to get to me first, Pat.”

A few knocks sounded against the locked door of the bathroom stall, making Patton grin. If Anxiety was feeling good enough to joke around, then Patton was doing an okay job.

“Raincheck on the fighting then, kiddo,” he hummed, moving on to the next topic of discussion, “You know not all soulmates are romantic, right? Just because he has a boyfriend doesn’t mean you can’t be in his life.”

There was a sigh from Anxiety.

“I’ve had a crush on him for years, way before I knew we were soulmates. I don’t think I can do  _just friends_ ,” his voice sounded muffled, like he was talking with his head in his hands.

Patton considered this for a second.

“Well, then what about polyamory?”

Patton was gearing up to give an explanation of polyamory and how it differed from cheating, all the usual stuff, but Anxiety beat him to it.

“I mean… I guess… but I don’t know. I still don’t understand why they’d want me. They’re better off without me.”

Patton frowned. “Kiddo…”

“No, it’s  _true_ , Patton.” A sob broke free of Anxiety’s throat and Patton winced slightly.

He leaned over towards the door, wishing he was able to physically comfort Anxiety. The other boy may not necessarily want that, but Patton definitely wished the option was there.

“Just take a deep breath, love, everything is going to be fine,” he cooed, voice as soothing as he felt he could make it.

A laugh from the other side of the door, this one cracked and so sure of its lack of self-worth. It was hollow and messy and tired, filled with so much emotion and so much sadness but at the same time none at all. Patton tried to piece it together, attempting to get a handle on what he could say to make this okay, but it was almost overwhelming to think about.

“Is it, though? Is it going to be fine? I love him! But I can’t do this to him. He deserves better.”

Anxiety’s voice echoed around the bathroom, filling Patton’s ears with disjointed syllables, and he opened up his mouth to speak before he could even register what had been said.

“Well, don’t you think it’s up to him to make that choice?”

There was silence.

Patton wasn’t exactly sure where the advice came from, but it felt like the right path to go down. Before Anxiety could likely even open his mouth again, he pressed on.

“Shouldn’t you let  _him_ decide whether he wants to be with you or not? Is it really fair to deprive him of his soulmate just because you think he deserves some arbitrarily-decided ‘better’ person, who he may not even find? They may like you, but you haven’t even given them a chance. Other people always see things in us we don’t see in ourselves.”

Patton thought of Roman. Of how he always felt like he was everybody’s last choice, a consolation prize while you waited for the one you truly wanted. It didn’t matter how popular he got—those people didn’t matter—but the people he truly cared about, those are the ones he always felt will leave him when they get a better offer. A better offer that Patton knew in his heart didn’t exist. He wasn’t leaving Roman, not for anything; he was going to stick by his side until he realised that he was  _loved_.  _All of him_  was loved.

Patton thought of Logan. Of how confident he was in his intelligence and how insecure he was in his emotions, never letting his real feelings shine through for fear of… what? Being shunned? Breaking down? Patton didn’t know, but he wanted to be there when it happened. He wanted to catch every falling piece of his broken best friend and help him understand that  _this_ is what he was made out of—stardust and light, not cogs and wires. He wanted to show him that it’s okay to be loved and to love in return.

Patton thought of himself. How he was never doing as much as he could be doing, and how he was always hurting the people he loved by being reckless. He thought of his family, how they were the best at everything they did, and all Patton was good for was making other people cry. He couldn’t help all the people he needed to help, it was all too much for one person to handle.

But when Patton felt hopeless, Roman was there. When Patton felt stupid, Logan was there. When Patton felt unloved and unwanted there were a dozen hands lifting him up showing him how wrong he was.

He wanted Anxiety to feel that too.

“Your self-worth issues are clouding your judgement,” Patton whispered, “We’re all human, Anxiety, we all have our issues. Nobody’s as perfect and wonderful as you think they are from a distance.”

There was a shaky inhale from the other side of the door.

“Yo-”

Anxiety’s sentence was interrupted by the sound of the bell. Patton heard him curse under his breath, he imagined due to having missed almost all of the period sitting in the bathrooms. Patton was about to ask Anxiety to continue when he heard the sound of shoes squeaking against the floor outside and the door to the bathroom flew open.

“I thought you were gonna call me, V-!”

The figure in the doorway stopped short, the bag they had in their hand swinging back-and-forth due to their abrupt stop; their other hand held a reusable Starbucks coffee cup, which now had spilt slightly from the top of the lid and onto their skin. Patton gave them a small smile and they returned with a nod, their previously shocked expression having melted into something more confident.

Dropping both the bag on their back and the bag in their hand at the door, they strode up to stand in front of Patton.

“I think I can take over from here, gurl,” they said, offering him their hand to get up.

Patton gratefully accepted before turning to face the bathroom stall once more.

“Anxiety,” Patton began, “ _‘There are millions of possibilities for the future, but it's up to you to choose which becomes reality. Please understand. You choose your own future,’_  but you don’t have the right to choose other’s futures for them.”

Anxiety's friend whistled. “Woah, deep.”

“It’s a Steven Universe quote,” Patton laughed, “Good luck, Anxiety; I have full faith in you.”

And with that, he walked out of the bathroom to find Roman and Logan for break.


	4. Unwrapped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman remembers a moment with Logan and learns something new about him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Some negative self-talk, but nothing super major!

****Roman couldn’t get the boy from the hallway out of his mind. Beautiful dark brown eyes had haunted him throughout the rest of his classes, occupying his thoughts far more than the lessons did. **  
**

Really, he tried to not take the boy’s quick exit personally. He’d already appeared to be quite upset, so even though Roman had been trying his best to be calming and non-threatening, he must have seemed a bit intimidating all the same.

People put him up on some weird “popular” pedestal—which was frankly quite ridiculous—and it had resulted in more than a few people being afraid to talk to him. It’s not like he was generally all that interested in talking to people as it was, but this boy was different.

It had been a while since Roman had had a crush. Probably not since he got together with Patton in fact. Although Roman and Patton had discussed polyamory—a major change in their relationship that it certainly took him a while to be comfortable with agreeing to—Roman hadn’t so much as  _looked_ at anyone outside of Patton and Logan for over a year.

And Logan was… well, Logan was different. How Roman felt for Logan wasn’t a crush, not really. It was some kind of indescribable admiration paired with the sense that he was just always going to be there. Days when Logan wasn’t present at school, either due to sickness or extracurriculars, they always felt… off. Logan had managed to entwine himself so subtly and intrinsically into Roman’s life that he hadn’t even noticed the day he fell for him.

It was different from how he felt for Patton, and it was different from how he felt for the boy in the hallway, but it was special. It was close. It was solid and dependable. And Roman honestly couldn’t imagine living the rest of his life without him anymore.

Which definitely scared him to death, though he’d loathe to ever admit it.

The idea to add Logan to their relationship had originally been proposed by Patton, about a month after Patton had confessed his initial attraction. Roman’s gut reaction had been to say, _“No, absolutely not, you’re mine and no one else’s”_ , but he’d been working on not letting his insecurities get the best of him. So, instead, he’d thought for a moment.

How he’d felt for Logan at the time had remained unclear. It had been lost in the mess of emotions swirling in him at the premise of having more than one partner at once. It was something that interested him, but at the same time, it was something that frightened him deeply. He knew that.

There was too much potential for heartbreak with three partners. Roman knew he wasn’t a catch—not the way Patton and Logan were—and once they realised they were better off on their own, they would drop Roman in a heartbeat. Patton would feel bad about it of course, but in the end, he would be happier.

That was the worst part about it. Roman knew Patton would be happier with Logan and without him, but he  _loved_ Patton. He just couldn’t bring himself to let go.

“I’m not saying yes, and I’m not saying no,” he’d spoken slowly, “But would you please let me think about it for a while?”

“Of course, Ro,” Patton had beamed, “And I’m proud of you, you know? I know it’s hard for you to not instinctively reject the idea, hard for you to believe that my love for you is unwavering and forever, but it is!”

Patton’s face had become a little more serious, a little less bright.

“And, if dating Logan—whether that’s just me or both of us—proves to be too much for you? That’s okay. I won’t push you into anything you don’t feel comfortable with, my prince.”

Patton had pulled Roman into his arms, kissing the top of his head gently as Roman mumbled a thank you into his chest.

Roman had considered it for several months, then it had all come to a head one day during maths.

They’d been doing some practice from a workbook, so although Logan was trying his best to concentrate, Roman was talking at him. And he says talking at him because Logan virtually never replied.

It was one of their established routines. If Logan was in a good mood and the teacher wasn’t talking, Roman would spend part of the lesson telling him about his most recent audition or about the cool tv show he was watching or any number of different things. Logan never gave any kind of response, but Roman knew he was listening.

Roman had been rambling on about how he’d been revisiting some older tv shows and,  _“have you even seen The Nanny? It’s hilarious. And Fran’s outfits? Truly she’s a goddess,”_  when he’d been interrupted by a quiet, “what?” from Logan.

Hearing Logan say anything during the lesson was surprising, so Roman had looked up from his book to check what was going on. Logan had been clutching his pencil tightly, focusing a glare on the book in front of him. He’d then scrambled for the answers at the back of the book and levelled a glare at that as well, before slamming the book shut.

Roman had been about to ask Logan if he was having trouble—and truly that would be surprising, Logan was excellent at maths—when Logan had scowled and said, “This book is wrong.”

He’d looked so indignant that Roman had had to laugh. He’d known he was going to get in trouble for being so loud but he just hadn’t been able to help himself. Of  _course_ , Logan would be the only one in the class to find an error in the book—and Roman hadn't doubt for a second that there was one, Logan wouldn't have said anything unless he was at least 90% sure. His chest had felt so light and as his eyes had begun to water, Roman had realised he was in love.

He was in love with his dork of a best friend—with the boy who would insist on studying for a test months in advance; who would drag them up to the roof on clear nights to point out constellations; who would let Roman ramble on and on about things he didn’t care about because he knew it was important to him.

He was completely in love and it was  _amazing_.

And as he’d wiped the tears out of his eyes, watching Logan’s brow furrow in confusion— _and how hadn’t he noticed before just how cute that expression was_ —Roman had wondered if maybe this could work after all.

Roman let his body drop under the tree where they usually had lunch during the summer, waiting for the others to arrive. It was always much quieter out here than it was in the cafeteria, people generally not brave enough to face the hot Floridian sun. The three of them had found a spot of shade under this rather large pine tree at some point last year though and it had since become their spot of choice for lunches. Logan would usually complain the most about the heat, but he would always trade in the cold air for a more peaceful environment.

It was cooler today. Cool enough that Patton had elected to wear his fuzzy baby blue jumper, though he still paired it with a short pastel skirt, so it should be enough to prevent overheating. Patton had several outfits kept at Roman’s house and vice versa, just in case of impromptu sleepovers, but that was definitely one of Roman’s favourite’s.

Another item on the long list of things Roman loved about his boyfriend was his confidence. Sure, Roman had confidence—he had confidence on the stage and he had confidence when faced with conflict—but Patton had confidence in his identity. Patton didn’t let insecurities get the best of him, he was who he was no matter what anyone else thought of him and that was something Roman strived for. Seeing Patton so happy in his “less conventional” outfits made Roman incredibly proud to know him.

Plus Patton looked really cute in a skirt.

Speaking of Patton, said boy had just slipped out of the doors of the school and taken up residence next to him. Roman felt the fabric of Patton’s sweater tickle his arm as his boyfriend linked their hands together, the warmth of Patton's body pressing up against his side. Roman sighed. He was so lucky.

“How did it go with the boy from the hallway?” he asked, trying his best to pretend the question was more casual than it was.

Patton nodded absentmindedly. “Okay, I think! He definitely has some stuff he needs to work through on his own, but I think he’ll make the right decision.”

Roman didn’t ask exactly what had made the boy upset in the first place and Patton didn’t tell him. They’d agreed early on that just because people felt comfortable enough to tell Patton their problems, didn’t mean they necessarily wanted anyone else to know. Roman wouldn’t tell anyone of course, but that wasn’t the point. It was about trust.

Patton was just instinctually trustworthy. When you tell Patton your secret you don’t worry about it being spread around the school, you know that your secret is safe—another thing Roman loved about him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just soaking up each others company.

Roman took a deep breath before addressing his boyfriend. “Patton?”

Patton hummed in response. Roman felt like he owed it to his boyfriend to mention his feelings, even if it ended up being nothing. Patton had been so straight-forward about developing feelings for someone else, bringing it up the very same day he realised things had changed, so it was only fair Roman paid him the same courtesy.

“You know how we talked about polyamory?”

Instantly, Patton's face brightened. He nodded vigorously, his hair flopping slightly as he did so.

Roman didn't think before he started to speak. If he started thinking then he'd start second-guessing himself and he couldn't afford to do that here. "Right, so we have Logan, and Logan's is great! Excellent, even! I'm not going back on the decision to ask him out at all, but- uh, there might be som-"

Patton's eyes cut over to over his shoulder.

"Logan!"

Patton yelled across the grounds to Logan, who looked like he was in the process of entering the cafeteria.

Roman frowned as Patton insistently waved him over. Logan  _knew_ where they ate lunch, they'd been sitting there for months. Logan also didn't eat cafeteria food, instead packing his own lunch, citing that the food the cafeteria made was unhealthy at best and a health hazard at worst. There was absolutely no reason for him to be going in there.

Roman knew he was probably jumping to conclusions—cognitive distortions, Logan taught him that one—but he couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. He didn't have much to base it off of other than a gut feeling though, so he kept it to himself.

Patton gave Roman an apologetic look. "Sorry, Ro. You can tell me about it later, yeah?"

Roman nodded his head. There really wasn't any rush, and anyway, it gave him a little more time to sort out his feelings for the boy in the hallway. Actually...

"Patton, my dear, did the boy from earlier give you a name or anything?"

A confused expression crossed Patton's face, but he answered nonetheless. "He told me I could call him Anxiety; I didn't push him on his actual name. Why, Ro?"

"No real reason, just wondering," Roman lied.

Patton didn't look like he entirely believed him, but before he could question Roman further his attention seemed to be caught by something else.

Logan had arrived at some point during Roman and Patton's brief conversation and Roman watched as Patton's gaze passed over the bandage on Logan's wrist. Roman realised belatedly that he hadn't warned Logan about showing off his injury around Patton. Whoops.

"Logan McKenzie,  _what in the world happened to your hand?"_

Patton sounded angry and incredibly concerned all at the same time. It caused Logan to open his mouth slightly in shock, eyes flicking from where he was searching through his bag over to Patton. He seemed like he was about to answer, but Patton quickly let go of Roman's hand, stood up and crossed the distance between them, taking hold of Logan's wrist firmly.

Really, nothing about Patton's demeanour left room for argument, but Logan liked pushing the limits of Patton's patience. Logan tried to tug his wrist away but Patton held tight, levelling him with a glare. It was a very unnatural look on the usually happy, bubbly Patton and Logan looked just as taken aback as Roman was.

“Patton, it’s just a strain,” Logan said, voice uneasy, “This is hugely unnecessary.”

Patton gave him another look. "Nope, that’s not good enough. Now, you  _are_ going to let me check how bad it is and you're not going to complain about it, alright?"

Logan's eyes widened and he began babbling with an uncharacteristic amount of emotion, unsuccessfully trying to persuade Patton to do literally anything but this.

Roman wasn't really sure what the big deal was. At the most Logan was going to get away with a lecture about practising self-care, but Logan was reacting like it was much more than that. He looked... frightened. And it was horrifying. Logan obviously wasn't one for overtly displaying emotions, so if he was afraid, there must seriously be something wrong. Something worse than a strain.

Patton had begun unwrapping Logan's bandage, ignoring the cries of protest, but all of a sudden, he stopped. Roman heard a gasp escape Patton's lips as his whole body froze.

"Logan..." The word was hesitant but unwavering—it reminded Roman of the kind of tone you might use when attempting to approach a skittish animal.

At the noise, Roman began to stand. Just how bad was this injury? What had Logan managed to do to himself? Before he could catch a glimpse of Logan's wrist though, Logan pulled out of Patton's grip, holding his hand protectively against his chest.

He gave one last look to the two of them, Patton smiling— _smiling?_ —and Roman just confused, before dashing away, ducking inside the school building and running out of sight.

_What the fuck just happened?_

Roman, realising that Patton likely had much more of a clue of what was going on, decided to repeat this question aloud.

"What the fuck just happened?"

In response, Patton began to laugh.

It started off quiet, more a hysterical giggle than anything else, but in just a moment it became loud and full of absolute joy. Patton was actually doubled over, absolutely beaming, and as his laughter petered out he grabbed the back of Roman's head and pulled him into a kiss. Roman was surprised but reciprocated all the same—he was always willing to indulge his boyfriend.

The kiss was over just as quick as it began and Roman took a moment to get his bearings. In the midst of attempting to process everything that was going on, he almost missed Patton going to speak.

"Roman," Patton said, voice full of awe, "He has our soulmark."

And suddenly Roman was smiling too.

He could feel it spreading across his face, growing wider and wider and brighter and brighter with each passing second. He realised why Patton had laughed the way he did—the joy he felt rising up inside him was impossible to contain.

Logan was their soulmate.  _Logan was their soulmate!_

Patton squeaked slightly as Roman swept him into his arms, spinning him in circles, hearing his boyfriend’s laughter echoing in his ears.

They never had to worry about Logan leaving now; he really would always be there. They didn’t have to worry that he wouldn’t feel as loved or included in their relationship— _didn’t have to worry, didn’t have to worry, didn’t have to worry._  It was all going to be okay because Roman was loved and so,  _so_  happy.

Breathless, Roman put Patton back down on solid ground.

“ _God_ , we’re going to have to talk to him,” Roman panted out.

Patton’s smile dimmed a little bit at that, his face taking on a more contemplative look. “Yeah. We’re gonna have to be careful, Ro. You know how he is about things like this.”

Roman nodded. He did know, in fact. Roman had kind of hoped that developing a soulmark would change the way that Logan viewed them, but maybe that was foolish. His fear seemed to be as present as always, though it was usually hidden a little bit more behind science and snarky remarks.

He wasn’t sure if Patton had picked up on exactly how Logan felt about the concept of soulmates, but Roman had enough of his own insecurities to recognise others’ when he saw them.

When they argued about soulmarks, which was far more frequently than Roman would have wished, Logan hid behind a mask of indifference. He claimed that he was right, objectively, backing up his argument with “facts” to make his statements sound more important. But occasionally, Roman would say something that would leave Logan speechless. Roman would watch as he inhaled sharply, his mouth dropping open and his eyes widening, and the look he displayed would always be fear. It never lasted for more than a split-second, but Roman saw it every time.

Roman didn’t know why Logan was afraid of soulmarks—and he would continue to not know why until Logan trusted him enough to tell him—but he was going to do his best to help him get past it no matter what. He wasn’t going to lose his soulmate to some unfounded worry; that wasn’t fair on them, or on Logan for that matter.

“We need to find him, Patton,” Roman said, “But we don’t even know where he is! He could be anywhere in the school by now. He could have left!”

Roman severely doubted Logan would skip school, but at this point, he wouldn’t put anything past him. The lengths Logan would go to to avoid them talking about his soulmark was not to be doubted; if they didn’t find him now, it’s very possible that they’d never find him again.

Patton looked thoughtful for a moment before giving Roman a soft smile. It was filled with a quiet sort of determination and Roman was reminded for a moment just how in love with him he was.

“I think I know where he is.”

And before Roman could question how or where Patton was grabbing his hand and tugging him into the school building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh, things are starting to happen now! Gotta say, there are things in this chapter I could be a bit happier with, but I gotta keep moving on to actually get this finished, haha.


	5. Distress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan examines his emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: mild description of a panic attack? not necessarily sure that’s what it is, but jic! also, suicide mention.
> 
> who the hell let me name these chapters??? that is a power I should not have. after I finish this I swear I'm gonna go back and change all the dumb title names to something more interesting--either that or just like "chapter X" cause _gosh_ , this is so much effort 
> 
> also, I don't even have one more full chapter written, so not loving that! I don't want to have to put off the next upload but I might have to if I can't get another chapter finished in time. I was worried this would happen when I started the fic, honestly, but I went for it anyway. with any luck, it'll all work out okay.

Logan was an idiot. **  
**

Yes, he knew that this ruse wasn’t going to last forever, but he had been at least hoping it would have granted him a couple of days. It seemed he couldn’t even get that. He sighed. He really needed to stop underestimating Patton’s mothering abilities.

The whole situation was exhausting. It didn’t make any sense! There was absolutely no reason for him to develop a soulmark at 17 years of age—no reason, of course, except for the universe wanting him to suffer. He was perfectly fine on his own, he was independent and self-sufficient and that’s the way he preferred it.

That was a lie, of course. He was self-aware enough to realise that.

No matter how much he tried to pretend he was completely independent, he knew that so much of his mental wellbeing relied on the wellbeing of his friends. Keeping Patton and Roman happy had become one of Logan’s top priorities, often causing him to go out of his way to do things he wouldn’t normally do, such as take an extra cookie to school with him for Patton, or attend those ridiculous stage productions Roman so adored.

Truthfully, the first time Logan had seen Patton his immediate thoughts had essentially been,  _“Oh, no, please don’t come over and talk to me”_.

Patton had seemed so bubbly and far, far too intense for Logan’s liking and when he’d headed over to introduce himself once they’d been paired up for the project, Logan had tensed. Though, Patton, ever the empath, had picked up on this immediately.

Patton’s first greeting to Logan had been bright, but it had been soft somehow. When they talked about the project, it wasn’t Logan giving 100% and Patton leeching off his ideas, Patton took an active part in the planning sessions and even engaged in some pretty excellent discussions.

His friendship with Patton was one of the most balanced relationships Logan had ever been a part of—even if there were far more puns than he would like—and if Logan ever pushed too hard, Patton pushed back, just enough for him to realise he was being an asshole.

And Roman.  _Oh,_  Roman.

This year Logan found himself looking forward to attending math classes far more than he ever had in his life. Math had always been boring for him, as it was generally very easy and had little real-world application, but now he knew that he’d get a chance to see Roman and that made all the difference.

Logan acted as if he was annoyed by Roman’s incessant rambling, pretending not to listen as he talked about whatever amazing TV show Logan  _had_ to watch. Quite honestly, though, he found it calming. It was nice to be able to socialise with someone like that, to not have to worry about coming up with appropriate responses because Roman had the whole conversation covered.

Logan’s relationship with Roman was definitely passionate if nothing else. A fair amount of their interactions ended in disagreements, regardless of how serious they were, and if Roman didn’t insult him at least twice a day Logan would be worried something was wrong.

They had their soft moments all the same though. A favourite of his was the time Roman had asked Logan to tutor him in maths. It was the first time Logan had really seen him display any kind of insecurity; he knew that Roman’s exaggerated self-confidence was a lie, but he’d never seen it deflate quite as quickly as it did that day.

Logan had persevered though, encouraging Roman as well as he was able and trying to come up with alternative ways for him to absorb the information that he needed. When Roman bumped his test scores up from a D to a B+, the look of absolute joy on his face as he hugged Logan was something he couldn’t forget if he tried.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he’d let it get this point, but Logan was  _stupidly_ in love with his best friends.

Stupidly, because clearly, they were already together. He knew developing feelings for them was just setting himself up to get hurt, but his heart (or his brain, if you wanted to be scientifically accurate) refused to listen.

He tried to ignore it as best he could—he couldn’t afford to be dealing with emotions—but sometimes Patton would giggle or Roman would jokingly flirt with him and Logan would forget he’s supposed to be pretending. He’d open up just a little bit further to those wonderful feelings before shutting it all down again. He couldn’t. And now he  _especially_ couldn’t.

He had a soulmate—a reality he didn’t want to face but was true nonetheless.

He was going to get sucked into someone else’s world, someone he likely didn’t care about being with in the first place. He was going to have his feelings manipulated to view them as the most important person he’d ever met, the most  _incredible_ partner he could ever have... And then the eventual tragedy. There’s a reason the suicide rate among soulmates is so high; once one of them dies, the other soon follows, he knows that well.

He didn’t want any of that! He didn’t want to be forced to fall in love, to be so utterly dependant on someone he doesn’t even know. Things were fine the way they were! He didn’t need to be with Roman and Patton as long as he could just be near them, and he didn’t want some imaginary “perfect partner” to come and steal him away from his best friends. It was completely ridiculous!

Stupid, stu _pid, stupid_. Everything about this was stupid! He was locked into this stupid path now and his whole life was going to be turned upside down and it was just so unbelievably  _stupid!_

Logan realised his chest was heaving and his eyes were blurry with tears and he tried his best to control his breathing; count his way through his inhales and exhales the way Patton had taught others many times before. He pressed his back up against the wall and slid his way down to the floor, pulling his knees up to his chest.

The ground wasn’t as hard beneath him as he was expecting and he pressed his hands down on either side of him. Carpet. Carefully, he pushed his head back against the wall—it was cool. He didn’t know much about the construction of buildings, but it was solid. Not concrete, but firm; he doubted he could punch through it easily.

Logan’s breathing was slowing now that he had something to focus on. He knew Patton often used this as a grounding technique for people as well. Pay attention to your surroundings, list things you can see, list facts.

Opening his eyes, Logan could see the door on the other side of the room, still cracked open from when he came in. It was the only source of light. A single door; opens to the inside; painted blue.

The room was dark. The windows, if there are any, could be boarded up or covered. Logan couldn’t see them, so he couldn’t be sure. There was a table in front of him. He was sitting on the ground, and for now, he was safe.

He was safe.

Logan closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his chest expand and contract with each breath he took. After a few moments, Logan felt stable enough to stand and attempt to find a light switch. Fully unwinding the bandage around his wrist and dropping it to the floor—it was useless now—he warily made his way around the table, cautious of there being other objects he may trip over in the dark. After only a few seconds of searching, Logan flipped on the light and took a look around.

Ah. Of course, his subconscious mind would take him here.

The room Logan was greeted with when he switched on the light was one of the abandoned classrooms on the east side of campus. Logan wasn’t really sure what they’d been for during the time they were in use, but now they were mainly utilised as spare changing rooms for when the P.E. or drama classes didn’t have enough space.

They were also utilised, by Logan and Patton, as breakdown spaces.

Well, Logan said both him and Patton, but realistically, it was usually just Patton.

Patton was a highly emotional person. Although he spent so much of his time helping others with their flaws and uncertainties, he certainly wasn’t without his own. He tried to hide them for the most part, sneaking off to deal with his issues alone or concealing his negative emotions for fear of taking time away from people who “deserved it more” or something ridiculous like that.

However, Logan had unwittingly been let into the tiny circle of people that were allowed to see Patton at his most vulnerable and he did not take that for granted.

The first time Logan had seen Patton cry had been during a history lesson last year.

Technically, this was not the first time Logan had ever seen Patton cry—Patton cried quite frequently for all sorts of reasons, usually because of a particularly cute animal or an emotional TV show episode, but Logan didn’t count those. Those moments were a dime a dozen with Patton and generally meant very little and had no lasting consequence. But this? This had been the first time he’d ever seen Patton  _truly_  cry.

To this day Logan was still not exactly sure what had triggered it. One moment Patton had been sitting next to him, doodling in his notebook as the teacher lectured on about Bloody Sunday and the next he was attempting to stifle the tears that were dripping down onto the paper in front of him.

Quite honestly, Logan isn’t sure that he would have observed anything if Patton hadn’t knocked his drink bottle off his desk with his movements. It didn’t draw enough attention that the whole class took notice, though it was certainly enough for Logan to look over, and the image of Patton at that moment was still perfectly ingrained in his mind. His eyes had been wide, tears spilling down his cheeks and his mouth open in an ‘O’ shape. His hands had been hovering near his head in an imitation of surrender and Patton had looked ready to  _bolt_.

So Logan had done the only appropriate thing he could think of.

“Ms Pascal?” Logan had said, raising his hand, “I’m not feeling very well, could I possibly take a walk outside for just 5 minutes? I’d like to get some air.”

Patton had moved from his frozen position at the sound of Logan’s voice, ducking his head down and pulling at the sleeves of his cardigan. His tears had continued though, and Logan could tell as he watched him from the corner of his eye that his breathing was getting more erratic with every passing moment.

“Yes, Logan, that’s fine,” the teacher had replied, “And you’re permitted to take someone with you, as long as you’re both back quickly.”

Logan hadn’t responded to the teacher’s comment, instead, he’d risen from his desk and grabbed Patton’s hand. Patton’s eyes had been big and glazed behind his glasses as he looked up at him, but Logan had simply tugged his hand gently and said one word.

“Come.”

Patton had stumbled up from his chair, eyes red and watery, and he’d stopped quickly to place his drink bottle back on his desk before being pulled out of the room.

Witnessing Patton so distressed was jarring, to put it lightly. Patton was a happy, joyful person; he always had a smile on his face and time to listen to your problems. So watching him duck his head to hide his tears? Seeing him hunch over, trying to hide from the world and all it’s prying eyes? It was just wrong, and something in Logan’s chest had ached at the sight of it.

Logan had been lost for a moment about where exactly it was best to take Patton—bathrooms were too public, outside was too open—before he remembered the abandoned classrooms. They were out of the way and enclosed, the perfect combination for this scenario.

Without letting go of Patton’s hand—a fact that he later reflected on with a blush he would deny to his grave—Logan had led Patton in the direction of the building he was searching for. As he’d listened to Patton’s sniffing from just behind him, Logan had questioned if possibly he should be starting the comforting now, on the  _journey_ to the less overwhelming place. Logan hadn’t been exactly sure how to do that though, so he’d elected to ignore that thought and instead, continued on the way he was.

As they’d arrived at the classrooms, Logan had pulled Patton inside and shut the door firmly behind him, flicking the light on.

“There,” he’d said, turning around to look at Patton, “Hopefully this is a mor-”

Logan had been cut off by Patton barreling into him, knocking him against the now closed door. He could feel Patton sobbing into his shoulder, his hands gripping at Logan’s shirt and Logan had been at a slight loss at what exactly to do to rectify this situation.

He’d hesitantly wrapped his arms around Patton, rubbing his hand up and down his back in a manner that was supposed to be comforting, but likely just came off as awkward.

Clearly, Patton had been seeking some kind of physical contact, and though Logan may not necessarily be the best at that, he had certainly been willing to try. For Patton’s sake, of course. Not at all because the feeling of Patton this close to him had increased his heart rate tenfold.

Logan’s meagre attempts at comfort had continued for several minutes as he let Patton cry himself out and at some point he’d pulled Patton to the floor, correctly assuming it would be more comfortable and less tiring a position to maintain. Logan had found himself whispering too, reassuring Patton that he was alright, he was safe and everything was going to be okay. Generally, he found those kinds of platitudes to be relatively meaningless, but at the time it had seemed like the right thing to do.

And clearly it had been, as within a few more minutes, Patton had reached a more emotionally stable mindset. Or at least he had stopped crying, Logan couldn’t have been sure that anything had actually been resolved; it was always better not to jump to conclusions.

“Sorry, Lo,” Patton had said, wiping at his face with his sleeve, “I guess I just got a little overwhelmed. Nothing to worry about!”

Logan had not believed that in the slightest.

“Of course, Patton.” Logan had fixed him with a concerned look, but Patton had only beamed in response—even if it had been slightly more wobbly than normal. “Would you like to discuss it? I understand that you don’t wish for me to worry. However, I think I would be more worried if I allowed you to leave without first talking through whatever problem caused this… emotional outburst.”

Patton grin had dropped at that, his expression falling into pure exhaustion. Logan had been blinded for a moment by just how good Patton was at faking a smile; it was truly almost terrifying.

“It-” Patton had sniffed. “It’s silly, really.”

“I find that to be highly unlikely, Patton,” Logan had said kindly, “All experiences are subjective. I may not necessarily understand or relate to your situation, however, I recognise that it upset you greatly. Therefore it’s likely something that is important to you and not at all silly.”

Logan had received a more genuine smile at that, though it only lasted a moment before Patton had screwed up his face. He’d been marginally worried that Patton was going to cry again, but instead, he’d begun to speak.

“You’re right, Lo. I  _know_ you’re right. I just-”

Patton had cut himself off with a sigh. Logan had waited as Patton took a few minutes to gather his thoughts, not wanting to interrupt.

“Academic pressure, you know?” Patton’s eyes had been turned to the floor and Logan had directed his gaze in the same direction out of courtesy. “My parents are all brilliant, like, uh, neurosurgeon and high-level computer programmer kind of brilliant. And I’m their only kid! I just… I never feel like I’m living up to expectations. It’s not even  _their_ expectations I’m not fulfilling, it’s my own! I- I don’t know… I should be better.”

Logan had blinked; that had been, quite frankly, not what he had expected to hear. Patton was definitely brilliant, albeit in a different way than most, and Logan had been struck with the realisation that Patton didn’t understand how he was so brilliant. He’d needed to rectify that.

“Patton, have you ever heard of the theory of multiple intelligences?”

Patton had raised his eyes to meet Logan’s. “No? What is it?”

Logan had taken a deep breath; it was times like these where he was reminded of how much he despised the education system and all it stood for. This should be common knowledge—but he supposed the way things currently stood, that would be asking for too much.

“It’s a psychological theory proposed in the 1980s which essentially states that intelligence is more than how most perceive it,” Logan had begun, “It suggests 8 or 9 different  _types_  of intelligence based on a variety of criteria. This includes things like spacial or visual intelligence, musical intelligence and bodily-kinesthetic intelligence, as well as logical-mathematical intelligence—the more traditional measurement of intellect.”

Logan had studied Patton, trying to gauge his reaction to this information. Patton had been watching him attentively, but he hadn’t looked as if he’d realised the significance yet so Logan had pushed on.

“I quite clearly have high levels of logical-mathematical intelligence, as well as fairly high linguistic intelligence. This results in me getting good grades and having fewer issues with standardised tests— _no-matter-how-bullshit-they-may-be_.” Patton’s eyes had narrowed a little at the swear word, but he didn’t interrupt. “However, Patton, my point is that that is  _not_ the only valid type of intelligence.

“You display extremely high levels of interpersonal intelligence, along with high levels of linguistic and intrapersonal intelligence. Essentially, you are good at understanding your emotions, you are good at articulating them and you are excellent at empathising and assisting others. These are all extremely enviable skills. And they make you incredibly brilliant, Patton.”

Patton’s eyes had widened at that, and the fact that Patton had looked so surprised by someone calling him intelligent still made Logan angry to this day.

“Our school system puts emphasis on one of these types of intelligence over all others,” Logan had said softly, “However, that is not the way the world is. Good interpersonal skills are prized in a variety of different circumstances. I am always one for trying your best to do well in school, but don’t think that just because you may be struggling in an academic environment that you are stupid, Patton, because that could not be further from the truth.”

There had been a moment of silence.

Patton had been staring up at Logan like he was the centre of the universe and Logan had simultaneously hated it and wanted to experience nothing else for the rest of his short existence. It was intoxicating and absolutely terrifying. Patton’s eyes had been wide and watery and as the seconds ticked by where nothing was said, Logan had wondered if maybe he’d overstepped his boundaries.

Then, slowly, Patton had moved towards Logan until he was virtually sitting in his lap and had wrapped his arms around his chest, almost cuddling into him. Logan had completely frozen. There had been so much emotion in that one action and he’d had trouble processing any of it.

Almost as if on autopilot, Logan had put his arms around Patton as well, returning the gesture and relishing in the chance to receive physical affection from Patton without having to ask for it. Patton’s body in his arms had seemed small and fragile and at that moment Logan had felt so fiercely protective of his friend that it had frightened him. He’d really fallen in deep this time. Idiot.

“Thank you, Logan.” Patton had whispered and Logan had almost had to strain to hear him, “That really,  _really_ means a lot.”

Logan sat down on the ground beneath him. He could feel tears running down his face and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand, wishing he had Patton here to comfort him and yet not wanting to be anywhere near him. This was all too much; he just wanted things to be easy!

He wanted things to go back to the way they were when he was a kid—his mother laughing from the kitchen as he finished his homework, brushing back his hair and kissing him on the forehead, talking through all of his problems with him.

She always seemed to know the right advice to give. It didn’t matter whether he was having trouble in school or whether he was fighting with his friends, she always knew how to help. Logan is sure she would have known exactly what he should do.

But his mother wasn’t here.

And Logan was lost.

And the door was being pushed open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could you hear me projecting at the end there? logan is me and I am logan; I have strong feelings about the concept of intelligence and I need everyone to know it


	6. Analysis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil has a chat with Remy and considers his relationship with Roman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Food mention, some minor negative thinking and mentions of bullying.
> 
> Sorry this chapter is a little bit shorter! I was just trying to make sure it was actually finished in time, so I didn’t spend as much time fleshing it out as I usually do.

The sound of the cafeteria was loud in Virgil’s ears as Remy studied him from across the table, their expression blank. Virgil tugged restlessly at the sleeves of his hoodie—despite having already revealed his soulmark to them he wasn’t particularly anxious for it to become common knowledge. He valued his privacy.

He hadn’t even told his moms about it. When Virgil had come down for breakfast—even though, internally, he was still screaming incoherently—he had acted as if nothing was different.

It had been just like every morning.

Bree was in the kitchen dishing up the eggs. Virgil had swung himself down into the chair next to Thomas, ruffling his hair slightly and ignoring his squeaks of protest as he batted his brother’s hands away. Liv had stumbled down the stairs, complaining that it was far too early. She’d kissed her wife, taking a seat opposite her two sons and Virgil had watched her, eyes vacant, as he tried to stop his hands from shaking.

Because it hadn’t been every morning. It had been  _that_ morning, and Virgil was panicking.

He knew he had to tell them eventually, but quite honestly, he wasn’t really ready to face the questions he knew they would have. He didn’t know any of the answers!

Something in him doubted he ever would.

“Okay, so lemme check I’ve got this right.” Remy raised an eyebrow, popping a chip into their mouth before continuing. “Roman Prince is your soulmate, he doesn’t know, and you’re worried that you’re not good enough to date him and or Patton. Am I correct?”

Virgil winced slightly, nodding his head. Even after his talk with Patton, Virgil was feeling less than ideal about this situation. He understands that it’s his “responsibility” to let Roman know or whatever, but there were just too many ways it could go wrong.

What if Roman hated him for running into him in the corridor earlier and was just being polite when he offered to help him up? The rumour about his soulmark had probably been going around all day—what if he thought Virgil had faked his soulmark to be with him? What if, when Patton found out, he got that disappointed look in his eye, regretting that he’d ever convinced Virgil to go ahead with it?

What if Virgil ruined their perfect relationship, just by trying to have some happiness of his own?

Remy inhaled sharply. “Okay, well, first of all, you’re an idiot, so jot that down.”

Virgil raised his eyebrows. Not exactly the encouraging piece of advice he had been hoping for.

“Wow, thanks, Rem,” he snarked, “This is really making me feel better.”

He glanced out the window over towards where Roman, Logan and Patton generally sat, trying to catch a glimpse of the three of them, but was greeted only by empty space. That was odd, he could have sworn they were there when he and Remy had walked by on their way to the cafeteria—it was impossible to miss Patton in that skirt. Where could they have gon-

Virgil was jerked out of his confusion by Remy grabbing his hands from across the table, causing him to jump.

“Oh my  _god!_  I can’t believe you don’t think you’re good enough for that asshole! Does my opinion mean  _nothing_ to you?!” Remy threw their hand onto their chest dramatically. “I have good taste in friends, Virge—the best—and you certainly wouldn’t be my best friend if you weren’t the most awesome person I know.”

Virgil grimaced. “Right, well regardless of whether or not that’s true-”

“Oh, it’s true.”

Remy had a look in their eyes like they were  _daring_  Virgil to disagree, but he didn’t rise to the bait. It really wasn’t worth his energy to argue with them right now.

“That’s what  _you_ think though, Remy,” Virgil sighed, “I don’t know that they’ll think the same.”

Remy popped another chip into their mouth with a smirk. “Well, if they don’t love and respect you for the amazing person you are I’ll beat them with a stick.”

“Remy…”

Virgil rolled his eyes. Remy was… protective is probably the word he’d use. Ever since they were little kids and Virgil would get picked on for not having a soulmate Remy would stand up for him, getting themself in trouble but keeping Virgil out of it at the same time. They insisted it was worth it, no matter how many times Virgil begged them to stop.

The day that Remy got suspended for punching some asshole who’d been calling Virgil names, Virgil had cried into their shoulder for hours. It had felt like it was his fault, like if he’d been better—more likable or more like everyone else—then Remy wouldn’t be in the position they were in. If he’d been different, Remy could have just gone through their schooling being the bossy, slightly disruptive kid that they were, instead of the problem child Virgil had forced them to be painted as.

But as Virgil had wiped away his tears, spilling those thoughts into Remy’s embrace, he had felt his best friend stiffen. They had pulled away, grabbing Virgil’s shoulders so he was looking them directly in the eyes before speaking.

“I would get myself expelled a hundred times over to make sure you  _never_ have to suffer again, yeah? You don’t deserve the things that happen to you, Virge. Not by a long shot.”

And to this day Virgil had never seen Remy look so serious. Normally they joked around—always a glint of mischief in their eye from some hilarious story Virgil was undoubtedly going to be hearing—but at that moment Remy had been entirely sincere,  _begging_ Virgil to believe them.

So he had.

Or at least he’d tried to. It was still hard for him to believe that he was worth all the energy Remy was freely expending, but he made an effort to accept that it wasn’t going to change any time soon.

Remy waved their hand back and forth dismissively. “I know, I know, not helpful. Look, look at it this way.  _What have you got to be afraid of?_ ”

Virgil narrowed his eyes. He could give Remy an alphabetised list of what exactly he had to be afraid of here, starting with, “a - agonising pain as his heart was broken by the boy he was in love with,” and ending with “z - zombies.”

You can imagine what the rest of the list was like.

“No, for real!” Remy continued, “You didn’t even  _have_ a soulmark yesterday! You were perfectly content to live out the rest of your days finding love on your own. That was your whole thing! Let’s say the universe was wrong—Roman rejects you and is a total asshole and perishes by my hand—then you just live your life the way you always planned to!”

They smiled reassuringly. “If you think about it, Virge, nothing’s really changed. ‘Cept you’ve gotten a little bit more of a push to go after what you want.”

Virgil considered that for a moment, taking a bite of his sandwich. Yeah, it’s true that he had previously been happy to find love without a soulmark, but it wasn’t fair to say nothing had changed.  _Everything_ had changed. Because now, instead of Roman being some teenage crush he would get over by the time he’d finished high school, he was apparently the person Virgil was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.

And Virgil just couldn’t imagine that.

It was ridiculous, almost, given the amount of time Virgil had spent fantasising about Roman, but Virgil couldn’t picture growing old with him. He couldn’t really picture quiet moments alone, or Roman coming home from work to greet him with a kiss, or romantic date nights. It just felt wrong. Even throwing Patton into the mix didn’t fix it—didn’t dissolve the feeling of unease that came over Virgil when he tried to imagine this future the universe had so clearly planned out for him.

But Remy was right—and more than that,  _he_  was right—when he’d said that he didn’t need a soulmark to find love. If Roman didn’t want him, then he didn’t want him either. And if that strange feeling never left his chest, Virgil didn’t have to stay; he could find a place where he did feel comfortable, he was sure.

He hummed. “I guess you’re right.”

“Of course, I’m right!” Remy beamed, before allowing their tone to grow softer, “And hey, if Roman really does reject you—which I’m sure isn’t going to happen, but if he does—I’m here. You’re never going to be alone. Emile and I would be happy to have you live with us for the rest of your  _life_ if you needed to. I promise.”

Virgil would never dream of imposing on them both that way, but he didn’t show it. Instead, he painted on a smile—a small one, didn’t want Remy getting suspicious. “Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise,” Remy laughed.

Virgil cleared his throat, hoping to steer the conversation away from him for a moment. “So, uh, how’s Emile doing anyway?”

Virgil watched as his best friend’s eyes lit up, almost immediately going on about Emile’s grades and how well he was doing in his classes despite it only being his first year at uni and how much they missed him, blah blah blah. Virgil knew that Remy wouldn’t care if he zoned out a little bit—they’d had their serious talk for the afternoon, and honestly, they were probably perfectly happy to just talk Virgil’s ear off for the rest of lunch.

So he let his mind wander, and truly, where else could it possibly wander to but Roman.

The first time Virgil had seen Roman, he had not liked him.

They’d been in the same gym class their first year of high school and Virgil hadn’t been able to explain what it was, but something about Roman bothered him. It might have been the way he smiled, the way he’d strut around the room like he owned the place, the way he’d talked himself up to anyone who would listen. Virgil hadn’t been sure, but it made something in his chest tighten every time he’d looked at him.

He hadn’t  _spoken_ to him; Virgil wasn’t an idiot, Roman was capital-p Popular and he didn’t feel like getting beaten up at high school as well as elementary. Any feelings Virgil had had towards Roman, positive or negative, had stayed firmly between him and Remy.

Remy hadn’t particularly had an opinion of Roman, to begin with. They’d had the chance to be dragged into those friend groups—of course they had, they’d always been a charmer—but they’d declined in favour of staying with Virgil. It was possibly one of the nicest things Remy could have done for him, but naturally, they acted like it was no big deal. To them, there’d really been no other option.

So their interactions with Roman had truly been limited, and despite Virgil spending most of his gym lessons trying not to stare—trying to figure out how one person could be so unbelievably arrogant, or at least that’s what he’d told himself—Roman hadn’t been a common topic of conversation.

That was until Virgil signed up for backstage crew for that year’s musical.

He hadn’t known that Roman did theatre—really, considering how loud he was, Virgil knew surprisingly little about him—but the first time he’d shown up for rehearsals Roman had been there. Virgil later found out that Roman had gotten one of the lead roles, and from that moment when Virgil first saw him, he understood why.

He could still picture it, down to the second.

The backstage crew kept slightly different practice hours to the cast and so when Virgil had arrived at the school hall, their rehearsal was already underway.

Roman had been standing centre stage in the middle of a solo. None of the set had been organised yet, so it was all natural lighting, nothing present on the stage outside of himself and a chair they used as a makeshift prop, but there was something in the way Roman moved that made you forget that.

He commanded the space, every gesture filling up the entire room and every expression cutting directly to your soul. You could feel the energy coming off of him in waves, every inch of passion and power drawing the eyes of every single one of the room’s occupants, forcing their minds to a place far different than the empty stage he stood on.

And his  _voice_.

Virgil wasn’t bad at singing, himself—he was usually in tune and his voice had a recognisable sound. It wasn’t something he’d ever worked at though, far too self-conscious about drawing attention to himself to ever pursue anything so bold.

Roman, however, was absolutely  _astounding_. His voice had been clear, but warm. The emotion had been thick with every single phrase uttered, painting a picture full of reds and yellows and browns and gold, producing a masterpiece of sound. Virgil had been able to hear every word, but more than that: Virgil had been able to  _feel_ every word. It was like Roman had been pushing the song deep into his chest, ensuring with every fibre of his being that he was understood and that this story was told.

Virgil had been aware he was essentially standing there slack-jawed in awe, but considering he hadn’t been the only one, he hadn't felt as self-conscious about it as he may have had otherwise. And as Roman had finished his solo, beaming at the thundering applause from his peers, Virgil had had a realisation.

He didn’t  _hate_ Roman. He had a crush on him.

He wasn’t going to say it was a welcome realisation. Virgil hadn’t thought of himself as gay, but he hadn’t really thought of himself as straight either. Quite honestly, it just wasn’t something he’d thought that much about. But after that moment, he hadn’t been able to  _stop_ thinking about it.

Couldn’t stop thinking of Roman frantically pressing his lips to Virgil’s for the first time, running off of the adrenaline of his most recent performance. Couldn’t stop thinking about Roman dragging him out for a picnic, the two of them trading lazy kisses in the midday sun. Couldn’t stop thinking about Disney marathons cuddled up on the couch, Roman playing with his hair and singing along to all the songs.

Just… couldn’t stop thinking about Roman.

He’d already paid the fee to be a part of the musical, so Virgil certainly hadn’t been going to back out—even if Roman’s face made him want to turn on his heel and run in the opposite direction every time he saw it. Instead, he’d resigned himself to spending the entire musical avoiding him, but Roman had clearly had other ideas.

Roman had made it a point to thank the crew at any opportunity he had been able to get. Normally Virgil would’ve appreciated that—the crew never gets enough recognition for the work they put in—but the way Roman had been so completely sincere in his congratulations and well done’s had been infuriating. He’d almost wished he could have gone back to hating him.

Roman being a good person had been equally as bad as Roman being a stuck up, self-obsessed asshole because if Virgil hated him for being an asshole he could feel justified in his feelings.

If Roman was an asshole then he deserved Virgil’s ire—deserved the way Virge would rant about him to Remy for what could be considered a socially unacceptable amount of time, complaining about whatever dramatic and disruptive antic Roman had planned that day. If he was an asshole then things were easy; Virgil knew where he stood and he was happy with that.

If he was a good person, however, then he didn’t deserve Virgil’s romantic feelings anywhere near him. If he was a good person the way he  _seemed_ to be, giving sincere thank you’s and planning gifts for teachers and running fun warm-up sessions and stealing another piece of Virgil’s heart with every smile he displayed…

Well, Virgil didn’t know what to do with that.

When he found out Roman had started dating Patton Hart, he hadn’t been surprised or upset. He’d never been foolish enough to expect to end up with the high school's resident Prince. He’d been happy for him. Really. After all, Roman had deserved better, and Patton was definitely better.

But maybe Virgil deserved something better too.


	7. Discussions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan talks some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters left to go!!! And I haven't written them, so I should really get on that.

“Logan?”

Logan could hear Patton’s voice ring out as he pushed the door open and he wiped at his face again, hoping to destroy any evidence of an emotional breakdown. He’s sure he was unsuccessful, but the effort was still made.

He took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady despite his tears. “I would prefer not to speak to you right now, Patton.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so, specs. This is kind of important.”

Roman too. Excellent. Any hopes of getting out of this situation with his dignity intact were utterly destroyed.

Logan scowled, even if he felt it didn’t hold much behind it except exhaustion. “Yes, I am well aware of why  _you_ would consider this to be ‘important’.”

“No, hon. You’re not,” Patton sighed.

The two of them moved into Logan’s line of sight, taking a seat on the ground opposite him—Patton with his legs crisscrossed and Roman with his back against the leg of the table. Logan could think of a dozen places he could rest his head against— _both laps, Roman’s thigh, Patton’s shoulder, Patton’s thighs, Roman’s chest_ —but he refused to move.

“You’ve come to congratulate me on my soulmark, on my chance for the perfect relationship, isn’t that right?” He scoffed. “Save your breath.”

There was silence.

Not a comfortable silence either, the kind of silence that forces you to reevaluate your choices thus far, because clearly, you haven’t been making the right ones. If Logan was honest, he’d regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He doesn’t  _want_ to believe the worst will come to pass, but the universe hasn’t given him much reason to believe otherwise—his friends, on the other hand, have.

Maybe he wasn’t giving them enough credit.

“Logan,” Roman said after a moment, “if you think we would  _ever_ act so tactlessly about a subject we know you have issues with, then you clearly don’t know us as well as you think.”

Logan looked up from the spot on the floor he’d been fixating on. The two of them both seemed hurt by his comment and Logan tried to stamp out the guilt that was rising up in him, but it was impossible to ignore.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. It wasn’t even reluctant and that alone was evidence of the sort of change the other two had managed to inflict in him.

Logan hadn’t been known in his past for admitting mistakes—in fact, he’d rarely apologise at all—but he was slowly learning to accept responsibility for his actions. Emphasis on slowly, but still, he was trying. He’s certain he wouldn’t have attempted that before he’d met Roman and Patton.

“It’s alright, love,” Patton replied with a small smile, “We understand this is hard for you.”

It was, and that fact alone annoyed him to no end. He should be above this kind of frustration! He should be able to brush this off and accept the change like any normal human being would do but  _fuck!_  It wasn’t that easy; why was it never easy?!

“I just- I don’t want this!” Logan waved his arm around, aware his eyes were growing wetter despite his efforts to the contrary. “I don’t want the increased chance to die of heartbreak! I don’t want the manipulation and the lack of choice! I don’t want to attempt to kill myself just because my wife did the same, com _pletely irrespective of the child they were raising, perfectly content to leave him alone if I had succeeded, I don’t **want** that!”_

The expressions the other two boys wore were full of shock and Logan realised belatedly what he’d just said. He threw his head back against the wall, eyes closed and aware that he was one kind touch away from breaking down into sobs.

“Logan…” Patton said slowly, “Did that happen?”

Logan cleared his throat but his voice came out weak regardless. “Yes, but it’s not important. It was a long time ago, it doesn-”

Logan spoke quickly, but not quick enough. As soon as Logan had confirmed Patton’s question he’d begun to crawl his way over until he was slotted in next to Logan, placing a comforting hand on his leg and watching as Logan struggled to hold himself together.

He couldn’t cry, not in front of them. He was Logan. He was logical and precise—giving facts and data to assist others in their decision making, getting impeccable grades due to diligent work, existing in a form outside of 1’s and 0’s purely out of human necessity.  _He wasn’t allowed to cry._

“Lo.”

Logan opened his eyes to see Roman had moved his way over as well, taking up residence on the other side of him. He was scanning Logan’s face like he could see every insecurity hidden in his expression and it was hugely overwhelming.

“We’re not going to judge you if you cry, you know.” Logan tensed and Roman gave a gentle smile. “You’re a human being, Logan, not a robot; you have emotions. Just… let us be here for you, okay?” He paused for a moment. “We love you.”

There was a soft touch to Logan’s waist and that’s all he could take.

He folded over, hand going to his mouth to muffle his cries and hide his face—shame not quite overtaken yet by the comfort of his friends. He could feel hands against his back, grounding touches in an attempt to mitigate the way he was shaking and it only made Logan cry harder.

He wanted so badly to tuck himself into Patton or Roman’s chest, feel their arms around him, but even still he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It wasn’t his place.

It didn’t matter how willing the two were to assist him when needed, to give him their affection, to… tell him that they loved him, Logan knew he had to keep his distance. If not for their sake, then for his own. He had walls built up for a reason after all, even if Roman and Patton were impeccable at tearing them down.

By the time his tears had slowed to nothing, Logan was exhausted—emotionally and physically. Quite honestly, he felt if he never experienced another emotion again it would be too soon; this was far too many tears for one person in one day, especially when that person was him.

Logan pulled his head up from his knees, glancing up at the concerned faces of his friends.

He wasn’t pleased to see Patton’s were eyes big and wet, like he was struggling to hold back his own tears. There was a smile plastered on his face but Logan knew from experience he couldn’t trust it’s sincerity. Roman, on the other hand, looked distant—his eyes unfocused and gazing at the ground beneath him like it held the key to the universe. Logan’s stomach clenched.

He never wanted to cause any distress, he just wanted… God, he didn’t even know what he wanted anymore. Safety. Control.  _Something_.

“You feeling any better, Lo?” Patton asked, tilting his head to the side in question.

Logan took a moment to consider this—because, really, Patton’s queries usually required at least a degree of contemplation and any less was doing him a disservice.  _Did_ he feel better? He certainly felt more drained, but that aching, lost feeling in his chest hadn’t gone away.

“Quite honestly, Patton? No. Not really.”

“Well, you’re grieving, Logan,” Roman said softly, taking Logan’s hands in his—and no, he absolutely was not blushing, that was just the lighting of the room—“It’s not going to be quite as simple as…”

Logan glanced down at his hands in Roman’s for a second and his entire body froze.

The emotions he felt in that moment were reminiscent of how he would imagine a final voyage on the Titanic to feel—trying to stay afloat in icy water and realising, with a sort of existential dread that’s impossible to replicate, that his holiday wasn’t exactly going how he’d planned. And this, to understate it, was not going exactly how he’d planned.

He was aware of the fact that Roman was still talking, but his words were lost to Logan because the only thing he could focus on were those  _fucking_ flowers. Those  _fucking_ flowers that had absolutely no right being on Roman’s wrist when he saw them mirrored so perfectly on his own.

“Roman. What is that?” Logan’s voice was stiff and sharp and he wasn’t sure if he was breathing anymore but did it truly matter?  _Roman had his soulmark._

Roman glanced down at where Logan was staring so intently.

“Oh.” There was a slow intake of breath and the sound echoed over and over in Logan’s mind, Roman’s words the only thing he could grasp onto in the shock of this revelation. “...that’s what we came here to talk to you about, teach.”

He blinked, trying his hardest to process but coming up blank. “Bu- but you don’t-”

“We didn’t, before this morning, no.” Roman laughed a little self deprecatingly and rubbed at the back of his neck. Logan felt his entire body flush hot.

“ _We?_ ”

Patton pressed a gentle hand to Logan’s cheek, tilting his head until he was looking Patton in the eyes though truthfully, Logan wasn’t seeing any of what was in front of him anymore. Everything was a blur— shapes and colours and emotions mixing into one as he struggled to keep himself from shaking. He was failing.

Patton rubbed his thumb along Logan’s cheek—another grounding motion. “Yeah, Lo. We.”

Logan directed his gaze to the arm Patton held up for him, and for a moment he could do nothing but take it in, gaze tracing the thin outlines of the flowers he found there. They were beautiful. He hadn’t allowed himself to examine them—fear overwhelming his rational nature—but now he couldn’t stop.

Then the consequences of that information sunk in.

He had soulmates.  _Patton and Roman were his soulmates._

Suddenly it was all too much—the kind eyes and gentle touches overwhelming in the best possible way, his skin flushed and eyes squeezed shut as he flinched away from the contact he so desperately craved.

He wanted everything. He wanted warm hugs and forehead kisses and holding hands as they walk along the street. He wanted celebratory dinners after each of Roman’s shows. He wanted study sessions with Patton as he made up silly mnemonics to remember the information. He wanted to take them to bookstores, to coffee shops, to all his favourite, most comforting places because he wanted to share the things he loved with the people he…

He wanted to feel okay surrounded by the love the other two were pouring out to him, he wanted it  _so badly_.

But he  _couldn’t_. He couldn’t. He didn’t know how to let himself.

He pushed Patton’s hand away, moving to stand but Roman placed a hand on his shoulder before he could.

“Logan, wait!” he pleaded, and Logan felt his heart ache at the look of panic on Roman’s face, “Look, I know this isn’t the same, but I- uh, I understand how much parents can negatively influence your view on soulmates.”

Logan’s expression softened slightly. Roman had always steadfastly avoided the subject of his parents, always brushing it off whenever the topic came up (which, granted, wasn’t very often), so despite every inch of his body screaming that he should run, Logan silently leant back against the wall. If Roman was going to open up, then Logan recognised it was his time to listen.

“You know that I’ve always loved the concept of soulmates, and it  _is_ because I think they’re amazing and exciting, but um…” Roman inhaled deeply. “It’s also ‘cause my parents weren’t around a whole lot—still aren’t actually. They’re too busy being in love, going on vacations and going out to bars and leaving me at home alone.”

Roman began picking at the skin around his thumb, diverting his eyes away from Logan’s sympathetic gaze.

“And I thought,” Roman continued with a weak smile, “that maybe if I could have a soulmate too then I could have that kind of love. Then maybe I wouldn’t be so alone.”

Patton leant over Logan to place a hand on his boyfriend’s leg, pressing his side up against him. Logan wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t feel a bit boxed in by the two of them, but he also wouldn’t lie and say that he minded all that much.

“But I have Patton now!” Roman grinned brightly despite his clear emotional distress, glancing over at his boyfriend. “And I have you. And,  _shit_ , you are  _so_ important to me, Lo. You always listen to me, even when you’re pretending you’re not, you’re always willing to help me if I’m having trouble with something and you never ever act like I’m stupid, even though you very easily could.”

Roman sighed, closing his eyes before opening them again, all of the relief and joy at finding that Logan was his soulmate channelled into one look.

“And you…  _believe_ in me. Not the way Patton does—Patton’s belief is unconditional, even when I don’t deserve it—but you truly believe in me based on my skills and my work ethic and… I don’t know. That just… it means a lot. You have no idea the courage and determination it brings me knowing you think I have the power to succeed. I wouldn’t have been able to do so many of the things I’ve done if I hadn’t gone into it with the certainty that you give me.”

Logan blinked, absolutely stunned. “Of  _course_ , I believe in you, Roman. You’re an incredibly capable individual with a drive to be envious of.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Roman chuckled, turning away to hide his tears.

With only a moment’s hesitation, Logan placed his hand on Roman’s thigh. He could hear a soft, happy sound from Patton beside him as Roman glanced up, eyes wide. The look Roman was giving him was vulnerable, but full of absolute trust and adoration and Logan wasn’t sure what he had ever done to deserve the feelings either of them had towards him, but he only wished, someday, to be able to repay them for that.

“No, I  _know_ so.”

“Logan.” Logan whipped his head around to look at Patton. He had tear tracks down his face but his expression was still set in a big grin—the type of smile that generally would have been reserved for Roman, but instead was directed at him. A smile that Logan was almost certain was real. “You didn’t think we just woke up this morning with soulmarks and decided we were gonna fall in love with you, did you?”

Logan didn’t reply. Truthfully, he wasn’t exactly sure  _what_ he had thought. The idea of the two of them being as in love with him as he was with them had seemed absolutely inconceivable, the kind of thing he wouldn’t let himself think about for fear of heartbreak or even worse… hope.

Patton’s bright grin softened to nothing more than a quirk of his lips and an affectionate gaze. “We already loved you, Logan, far before the universe told us we should, and we would have asked you the same regardless. Our feelings would have been the same. The soulmark doesn’t create the feelings— _we_  do. And we love you.”

“I… I love you too. Both of you. Of course, I do. But I-” Logan took a steadying breath, biting at his bottom lip. “I’m… afraid.”

Being afraid wasn’t nearly the worst thing he had admitted to that afternoon but even still Logan felt his body tensing up. He wasn’t used to this, to being able to put his trust in another human being, being able to admit his true feelings and not panic at the thought that he would be making a mistake, but he really did trust them. They’d earned that trust through years and years of patience and kindness and it was about time that Logan showed them that.

Roman appeared openly shocked at Logan’s words, but Patton just gave him a teary smile. “And that’s okay. Cause we’re gonna work all of this out together, yeah?”

He nodded, trying to keep his breathing steady. He couldn’t have cried again even if he’d wanted to; he didn’t have it in him. The urge to rest his body against them, let them calm him and keep him grounded was growing exponentially so Logan braced himself before speaking again.

“Could I…” He laughed—breathy and self-deprecating. He’d just confessed his love to them and yet he still struggled to ask for one simple thing. “…Could I have a hug?”

In less than a second Roman and Patton had thrown themselves on top of him and Logan wrapped his arms around them as best he could, burying his face into Roman’s shoulder. He breathed it all in, enveloped himself in the love and warmth he felt radiating from his soulmates.

There was a lot the three of them still had to discuss—there were families to worry about and schoolmates and bullies and relationship statuses—but right now all Logan could think was how safe he felt. He knew he should still be concerned, should be planning ahead and keeping them out of trouble, but he could do that later. Right now, he relaxed completely into his soulmates’ embrace and let himself breathe.

He was going to be okay.


	8. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil works up the courage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Descriptions of bullying even though none is actually occurring, violence mention (though again, not occurring), mild (?) anxiety attack and general anxious thoughts (this is Virgil after all).

****Virgil wandered the hall in an aimless haze. He had a free period last that day and it would be so easy just to go home early like he usually did, leave all this worry for another day, but something was stopping him. Virgil knew he wouldn’t get another chance like this for a week.

He knew where Roman was. And he had an excuse to be there.

Roman shared his last class with Remy—classics, because they’re both geeks, even if neither of them would ever admit it—and they frequently offer Virgil a ride home since he was too anxious to ever get his license. It wouldn’t really be that weird for Virgil to hang around outside the classroom under the guise of asking Remy for a ride and then…

Virgil exhaled sharply.

Then what? Just… go up and talk to him? Roman had never spoken to him before the hallway collision—it was unlikely he would know his name or even recognise him—why in the world would Roman want to talk to him? What if Virgil went up to him and he scowled in disgust? Or laughed in his face? What if he did recognise him and he demanded Virgil repay him somehow for knocking him over in the hallway? What if he got all his friends to force him to the ground and-

Virgil forcibly cut off his train of thought, counting through his quickening breaths. His hands went to tear at his hair but he stopped them halfway, bunching them up in the fabric of his hoodie instead.

Roman had no reason to do those things. Roman had never done those things before, and he had no reason to start now. Roman did not seem upset by Virgil running into him.

Roman was a nice person.

Or at least, for the first time, Virgil  _hoped_ he was.

Despite his insistent worries, Remy and Patton’s words were still echoing in his head, strengthening what little resolve he had. It wasn’t fair to keep things like this from his soulmate, no matter how much he wished he could.

He had a choice here, but he knew he had to at least make an effort. He had to try.

He was  _going_ to try.

Virgil marched his way down the corridor towards the classics room, hearing the bell echo through the halls as he approached. Kids rushed out of the classroom, pushing and shoving their way out the doors in a desperate attempt to escape and Virgil had to fight to not get swept away with the tide.

“Virge!”

Remy’s voice cut through the crowds of people and Virgil managed to force his way over to greet them, giving a nod to their knowing look.

“He’s still in the classroom. Hasn’t left yet,” Remy smirked, taking a sip of their coffee—and Virgil wasn’t exactly sure where they’d gotten that; the one from this morning  _must_ be cold by now—“Want me to introduce you? …Again?”

Virgil laughed but he knew Remy could tell he was losing more and more of his bravado the longer they both stood there. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

Remy grabbed his arm, dragging him into the classroom and Virgil actually felt his heart skip a beat when he caught sight of Roman. He was alone, which Virgil was thankful for. He leant against the edge of his desk as he saw them approach, cutting himself off mid-laugh and hurrying to put away his cellphone.

“Roman,” Remy announced, pulling Virgil to their side in front of him. Virgil had to remind himself to breathe because locking eyes with Roman was overwhelming and more than a little terrifying. “This is my friend Virgil. He has something he needs to talk to you about.”

Roman raised his eyebrows, nodding his head slowly. “Right, okay.”

Virgil cringed into himself, pulling at the sleeves of his hoodie again and ducking his head slightly. He felt a steady hand land on his shoulder and looked up to meet Remy’s gaze.

“Oh, V, you need a ride?”

The posed question seemed casual but Virgil knew it was anything but. This was Remy's way of asking whether he was good to do this alone or whether they needed to hang out with comfort and chocolate in case things went wrong. Virgil gave a small smile; he had such a good best friend.

He placed his hand on top of theirs for a brief moment, tapping his fingers against the back of their hand before pulling back. “Uh, could you maybe wait for like 10 minutes and I’ll let you know?”

“No prob, hon. I’d be happy to,” Remy smiled. It was a genuine one, void of its usual playful nature and filled instead with compassion. It wasn't a smile many got to see—pretty much just himself and Emile—so Roman should count himself lucky.

With one last squeeze of Virgil's shoulder, Remy pulled away, disappearing out the door with a subtle wink.

There was a long moment where neither of them said anything, Virgil fidgeting and averting his eyes and Roman watching him with what Virgil thought was a curious gaze. He hoped it was only curious anyway. He didn’t think too much about it—if he let his mind run away with all the possibilities of what else it could be, Virgil would  _never_ work up the courage to say anything.

“Hi…?”

At the words, Virgil looked up, taking in the comforting smile that had graced Roman's face. He tried to ignore the way it made him feel to have that smile directed at him, biting at the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing nervously.

“Uh, hey,” Virgil replied.

Roman's eyes narrowed for a brief moment, before returning to his regular expression. He glanced around the classroom awkwardly. Virgil realised Roman was waiting for him to say something but it was like he'd suddenly forgotten every word he'd ever learnt; he was sure that if he opened his mouth to speak it would have a disastrous outcome.

Clearly given up on waiting, Roman cleared his throat.

“Are you feeling better? You know, after the whole—” Roman waved his hand about generally—“bathroom thing.”

Virgil flushed bright red, panic seizing his chest and crushing all the confidence he had left.

Had Patton spoken to Roman about what Virgil had been freaking out over? Did Roman know that Virgil had his soulmark and hadn’t said anything because he didn't want him? Was he just humouring him now? Giving him hope before shooting him down?

At least this answered the question of whether or not Roman had remembered him, though he honestly wasn’t sure if this was the better of the two outcomes.

The fear must have been obvious on Virgil's face because Roman rushed to assuage him. “Oh! No! Patton didn't tell me  _what_ upset you, just that you were upset! He wouldn't do something like that, I swear.”

At the mention of Roman's boyfriend, Virgil felt a spike of guilt shoot through him, but he managed a tight smile nonetheless.

He felt like such an asshole. He was essentially telling someone, “The universe decided your relationship isn’t good enough and instead said you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with me! Someone you’ve spoken to a grand total of one time!”. Yes, Patton may have been the one who'd urged him to go ahead with this in the first place, but he still couldn’t help but feel like he was ruining everything.

Roman tilted his head as he watched Virgil compose himself, studying him, not necessarily unkindly, but still in a way that made Virgil feel vaguely uncomfortable. It was just a little too open for his liking and Virgil drew his hoodie tighter around his body.

“Um, if you don’t mind me asking, what was it that upset you so? It-” Roman scrunched up his face for a moment. “I just feel I made things worse somehow.”

“No!” Virgil yelled, before hesitating. He didn’t want to lie, but there was also no reason for Roman to feel guilt over Virgil’s own shortcomings—him being upset was certainly not his fault, even if he did  _technically_ make things worse. “Well, I mean, not… intentionally. Look, it’s complicated.”

Roman shoved himself back so he was sitting on his desk with his legs hanging off the side, swinging back-and-forth. “Well, I’ve got time. If you’re willing to tell me.”

“That  _was_ kinda the whole point of coming in the first place,” Virgil muttered under his breath.

Roman furrowed his brow. “What?”

“Nothing. Look, um… I was up… late, last night and something… happened… to me. And I heard—and I guess saw—that it… um, might have happened to you too?”

Okay, that was possibly the least descriptive Virgil had ever been in his life. He winced, pulling his eyes up from the floor to meet Roman’s confused gaze.

“I have  _no_ idea what you are talking about right now.”

Virgil deflated. Oh, what the hell. This whole carefully-explaining-every-aspect-of-what-led-you-here thing was agonising, he might as well just get to the point. Band-aid method. He could do this.

Virgil pulled his sleeve back, revealing his soulmark to the cool air of the room. He watched Roman’s eyes widen as his gaze traced over the skin, taking in the sight before him, and Virgil was sure he’d never felt more exposed in his life.

“This,” he admitted finally. He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing himself for sharp words and denials.

But it didn’t happen.

Virgil cracked his eyes open a fraction, watching as Roman stood up from his desk and made his way over towards him. His motions were careful and deliberate as if he was afraid Virgil might run away if he moved too quickly—something he may not be entirely wrong about.

Reaching a point directly in front of him, Roman went to grab Virgil’s wrist and Virgil made no move to stop him. The emotion in his eyes was difficult for Virgil to place, Roman trailing his thumb along the mark, outlining thin borders and bright colours. He could feel his skin tingle at the contact and he tried his best to not let out a sigh. The hard part may be over, but they weren’t done yet.

A quiet, “Oh,” filled the air and that’s all Virgil was able to process before he was being dragged out the door of the classroom.

_Shit_.

Virgil’s mind immediately kicked into overdrive.

Roman hated him. Roman didn’t believe him. Roman was most definitely going to take him outside to where his friends would be waiting and they’d all laugh at the loser who faked his soulmark to get with his high school crush or worse they’d push him up against the brick wall and scrape his skin along it until he was raw and bleeding they would hurt him they would hurt him he _’s in danger he’s in danger he’s in danger-_

“This is Virgil.”

Roman’s voice cut through Virgil’s panic and he managed to open his eyes— _and when did he close them?_ —enough to see the silhouettes of two people standing in a semi-circle in front of him. He didn’t recognise them, the sun too bright and his fear too large for him to process anything outside of they were people and they weren’t Remy.

As much as he could right now, Virgil readied himself for mocking words or harsh shoving.

But it didn’t happen.

Instead, he heard a voice say, “Roman! He’s having an anxiety attack!”

The voice sounded familiar but Virgil wasn’t really focusing on that right now because he knew with every fibre in his being that he had to get out of here. He had to find Remy. He had to go home. He couldn’t do this anymore, he couldn’t.

There was the sound of overlapping voices, apologies from Roman and chastisement from one of the others, but Virgil tried to focus on the voice directly in front of him. He could hear reassurances break through the arguing of the other two and although he wanted Remy or his mother or someone familiar, Virgil settled for this.

“You’re not in danger, Virgil,” The voice said softly, “No one’s going to hurt you. You’re safe, you’re alive and you’re okay. You’re okay, honey. It’s okay, I  _promise_. Nothing bad is gonna happen.”

Virgil listened to the voice mutter on as he slowly opened his eyes. He still kept his gaze firmly directed to the ground though, avoiding the harsh or judging stares he was expecting to see. The voice may seem kind, but Virgil knew better than to make any assumption on its character based on that—lots of people he’d met had  _seemed_ nice at first, before they’d gotten to know him.

“You’re okay, sweetheart. Everything is okay.” The voice seemed to have a happier note to it now, something brighter, though Virgil didn’t necessarily understand why. “Am I allowed to touch you?”

Virgil thought back to the way Roman had traced over his soulmark, how his skin had prickled and heated at the contact and how he wasn’t sure if he could handle that again right now. He shook his head quickly.

The voice didn’t seem discouraged by that, continuing its whispering until Virgil could finally take a deep breath, look up, and lose all of it again.

Patton.

Of course, it was Patton. Virgil knew this was coming, he knew he’d have to face Patton and let him know that he was the one in the bathroom stall and  _he_ was the one who’s boyfriend had the same soulmark as the boy in the bathroom stall, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to do it  _right now_.

Patton's eyes were kind as he recognised Virgil slip back under another wave of panic. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s alright. I  _promise_ you, it’s alright.”

And he looked so sincere that Virgil let himself believe it for a second.

He looked around himself properly, taking in the sight of Roman and Logan, who were still arguing. Patton spun around and glared at them for a moment before loudly clearing his throat, causing the two of them to freeze mid-sentence and look over at them.

“Roman,” Patton said, very reminiscent of a disapproving parent, “I think you have someone to apologise to?”

Roman’s reaction was immediate. He rushed his way over to Virgil, dropping to his knees in front of him, much to Virgil’s dismay. He didn’t really need an apology. It wasn’t Roman’s fault that Virgil freaked out, it was just how things were sometimes.

“I am so,  _so_ sorry that I didn’t pay enough attention to how you were feeling, my dear. I only hope you can forgive me.”

Virgil winced at the endearment coming out of Roman’s mouth. It sounded so natural—Virgil having heard it a dozen times directed to Patton and even a few jokingly directed to Logan—but at the same time, they’d barely discussed their relationship. Virgil wasn’t sure pet names were a step they’d reached yet.

“Don’t sweat it, Princey, it’s no big deal,” Virgil mumbled, “And do-”

Virgil was interrupted by a gasp from Patton, his eyes wide as he flung his hands up to his mouth in shock. “Anxiety?! Oh my goodness, I’m so proud of you!”

Virgil blinked.

“ _Proud_ of me?” he asked incredulously, “Patton, I essentially just told you I’ve had a crush on your boyfriend for years and you’re telling me that you’re proud of me? How can you be so happy about this?!”

“Oh, kiddo…” The look on Patton’s face was pitying, like he knew something Virgil didn’t, but it didn’t last long.

Patton drew the sleeve of his jumper back, revealing a bouquet of daisy-like flowers sitting right there on his wrist. Virgil froze, taking that in for a second, but was startled by Patton elbowing Logan in the side.

Logan scowled at him. “Alright, alright.”

He reached to pull back the sleeve of his button up and… They matched. They  _all_ matched.

“Oh.”

It wasn't love at first sight, because that doesn't exist. It wasn't as if Virgil saw the soulmarks on Patton and Logan's wrists and suddenly he realised he'd had feelings for them the whole time because he didn't. He respected them, it would even be fair to say he liked them from a distance, but he didn't feel the same way for them as he did for Roman—and even that he knew, wasn't really love.

But that was all okay.

Because now Virgil could imagine it.

What Virgil felt now wasn't love, but potential. He could imagine movie nights, curled up on the couch, bickering and snuggling and loving each other just the same. He could imagine Roman coming home from work and collapsing directly onto Logan, much to his loud protests, with Patton puttering around the kitchen making dinner. He could imagine date nights with Patton and Roman dragging him and Logan by the hand because " _we've been waiting to see this new Disney movie_  forever".

He could imagine looking up one day—seeing Logan and Patton maneuver around each other as Patton made pancakes and Logan attempted to pour more coffee out of an empty pot, seeing Roman burst in through the door singing his good mornings—and realising he was in love.

He wasn't right now, but that was okay.

Because he could be.

Roman turned his head sharply to look between Patton and Virgil, the expression on his face half disbelieving and half cocky. “Wait, I’m sorry, did you say  _years_?”

Virgil rolled his eyes.

“Yeah,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck, “Since the musical in our second year.”

Roman snapped his fingers and pointed at him, a bright smile on his face. “Oh! I  _knew_ you looked familiar! Virgil Moore, right? You ran backstage for a couple of my scenes! You did such a good job!”

Virgil bit his lip, feeling a bit taken aback. He hadn’t actually expected Roman to remember his involvement—it was such a different time.

The musical felt like decades ago, back when his moms weren’t even together yet and Remy was still going by he/him pronouns. So much had changed since then.  _He_ had changed so much since then and he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted Roman remembering the way he had tripped and knocked over half of the set the same way Virgil did basically every time he closed his eyes to go to sleep.

“Uh, yeah-”

Logan interrupted his stuttering acknowledgement. “You are also situated behind me and slightly to the left in our shared chemistry class.”

He blinked. He’d be honest, he wasn’t really expecting some of the most popular people in the school to recognise who he was in almost any capacity. And,  _woah_ , his soulmates were some of the most popular people in the school. Virgil shut that train of thought down immediately.

“I, uh, didn’t think you’d noticed me,” he admitted.

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Why would I not have? You’re an incredibly competent individual, even if that friend of yours seems to have a hugely negative influence on your ability to actually pay attention to the lesson.”

Virgil didn’t even have time to process the compliment as at the reminder of his best friend, he blanched.

“Oh, shit! Remy! Can I…?” He gestured with his hand over to the parking lot. Patton must have realised they were waiting for him, despite not being there to witness the conversation, as he gave a bright smile.

“We’ll wait for you here,” he answered, “I can drive us all back to Roman’s after. I think we have a lot to talk about.”

Powerwalking his way over towards the parking lot, Virgil spotted Remy’s car stationed towards the front, eclipsed by the shade of the building. He pulled the door open and threw himself into the passenger seat, watching as Remy jumped so high they almost hit their head on the roof of the car.

“Jesus,  _fuck_ , Virge, you scared the everloving shit out of me!” they exclaimed, breathless.

Virgil just grinned, unable to hold back now that the reality of the situation was finally sinking in. He had 3 soulmates. They liked him. Holy shit,  _they actually liked him._

He had a future with them—a future where he didn’t have to worry about overstaying his welcome or overstating his importance, a future where he was accepted and loved for the person he was, a future where he truly was good enough.

There was still a voice in the back of his mind telling him it was too good to be true, but Virgil pushed it back. He wasn’t going to let any more anxiety ruin this day for him.

He could feel himself tearing up slightly as he spoke. “They’re  _all_ my soulmates, Rem. Roman, Logan and Patton. All of them.”

Remy’s eyes widened as they turned in their seat to face him. “Oh, holy shit, gurl! You hit the jackpot!”

Virgil laughed—he knew it sounded slightly hysterical but he was mostly past the point of caring.

“Yeah, I, uh-” He cut himself off with another laugh, launching himself across the middle of the car to wrap his arms around Remy’s shoulders. It was kind of uncomfortable but Virgil wasn’t focused on that, trying instead to somehow form a coherent thought among all of the chaos that filled his mind.

“ _Thank you_.”

Remy shook their head, pulling back to look at him properly and it was so similar to that day all those years ago—Remy looking him firmly in the eyes and telling him everything his emotional mess of a self needed to hear.

“There’s no need to thank me, V. I might have given you a little push, but actually working up the courage to tell them? That was all you.  _You did it._ ”

Virgil beamed and he was definitely crying and it was so stupid but he was so happy.

“ _I did it._ ”

He took a moment to get himself together, trying to stop the tears that continued to make their way out, clinging to his eyelashes and dropping onto his shirt. Eventually, he managed to calm down enough to breathe properly again, giving Remy a small smile which they returned effortlessly.

“So, am I driving you home?” they asked, swinging their keys around their finger.

Virgil shook his head. “Nah, Patton said he’s gonna take us back to Roman’s so we can work some stuff out. But… thank you for staying.”

“Anytime, hon.”

Virgil took a steadying breath as he stepped out of the car, preparing himself to head back to his soulmates. Before he closed the door, however, Virgil leant down and poked his head in one last time.

“Remy?” They looked up from where they were inserting in their keys to glance over at him. “You are the  _best_ best friend that I could have  _ever_ had. And you might not be my soulmate, but you mean just as much to me as they do. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, V,” Remy smiled, “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the epilogue left to go!!!! I wrote 75% of this chapter all in one morning and honestly thank god I had cause I would not have been able to get it done otherwise, hahah. Honestly, thank you all so much for reading this fic. It’s been both a joy and a disaster at times, but I’m just so incredibly glad people are enjoying it.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were ridiculously domestic, and Patton wouldn't have them any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: There’s purely theoretical talk of suicide and major character death (of like, old age) that aren’t actually happening in the story.

****Our final act opens on an apartment located in the centre of town.

It’s a cozy little apartment, collections of pillows and blankets gathered on couches and trinkets covering every surface—a result of the hoarding tendencies of a few of the occupants. The blinds of the outside windows were pulled open, letting the late morning sunlight stream into the living room and illuminating the slightly hectic scene before us.

Patton was curled up in the armchair, watching Roman rush to and fro as he frantically searched for his keys.

He’d basically been at that all morning, having been tricked into sleepy early morning cuddles with Virgil—the way the three of them often seemed to on days they had commitments—and falling behind in his morning routine. Patton wasn’t entirely sure whether it was a coincidence or whether their boyfriend knew they had to get up and be productive but on those days he just seemed considerably more alluring.

Said Virgil glanced up from his phone, disturbing Logan who was resting against his shoulder despite how small the movement was.

“Have you checked the fridge?”

Roman stopped in the middle of rifling through the cupboard near the front door, turning to give his boyfriend a disbelieving look. “The _fridge?”_

“I dunno,” Virgil shrugged, returning to disinterestedly scrolling through his phone, “That’s usually where my lost stuff ends up. I have a theory that one of us is sleepwalking and moving our shit.”

“Language, Virgil!” Patton chastised.

Virgil muttered through his apologies as Roman rushed into the kitchen. Patton just hoped they hadn’t left any knives out on the counter because at the speed Roman was moving there’s no telling what could happen—they didn’t want a repeat of last year’s Thanksgiving.

After just a moment a triumphant cry was heard, Roman running his way back into the room, his eyes bright. He stopped off at the couch, swooping down to plant a kiss on Virgil’s cheek and delighting at the way his boyfriend immediately began to blush, before looping back around to grab his bag from the hook by the door.

“They  _were_  in the fridge! Thank you, my emo nightmare!”

“Yeah, whatever. I wouldn’t even need to suggest it if our shh—” Virgil caught Patton’s mouth tighten out of the corner of his eye. “—hhhtuff didn’t end up in the fridge in the first place.”

The way he said it was slightly accusing, but not in a malicious way, just in a way that indicated that he was tired of having to defrost his belongings every morning.

“Talk to Dr Picani about it at your next appointment,” Logan mumbled. He stretched against Virgil’s side, stifling a yawn. “The onset of sleepwalking could have a psychological basis if it’s not something any of us had previously experienced.”

It was one of Logan’s regulated days off—implemented to ensure that he didn’t overwork himself—so he’d apparently decided to protest by working through the entire evening instead. The three of them had already berated him for that earlier this morning. Now, they were simply trying to convince him to take a nap, though Patton imagined it was hard to stay asleep with Roman buzzing about like a suburban housewife before a dinner party.

“Oh!” Roman exclaimed, “Speaking of Dr Picani, I should head off soon or I’m going to be late. Do any of you need anything while I’m there?”

Logan blinked sleepily and Patton had to fight to not coo at how cute his boyfriend was when he was half-awake. “I… believe I may have left my coat at my last appointment, would you be able to-”

“No problem, specs.”

“Excellent.” Logan evidently decided to take that as the end of his portion of the conversation, as he dropped his head into Virgil’s lap, humming softly as Virgil instinctively went to run a hand through it.

“How about you, Virge?” Roman asked, rocking back and forth on his heels slightly.

“Nah, I’m good. Though—” Virgil looked up from his phone to properly address his boyfriend—“I’ve invited Remy over tonight so if you can pick up some snacks on your way home that’d be cool.”

Roman rolled his eyes with far more intensity than was probably necessary. “Ugh!  _That_  asshole?”

“Funny,” Virgil smirked, giving Roman a knowing look, “I distinctly remember someone calling them a "cool dude" the first time we met.”

“Well, that was before I got to know them!”

Virgil studied him for a second, eyes narrowed yet amused. “…You’re still salty that we kicked your ass at Mario Kart, aren’t you?”

A grin broke out on Virgil’s face at the immediate protests from Roman and Logan in the form of both spluttering and a long-winded rant which seemed to only contain a lot of useless excuses—a favourite of Logan’s. It was… ridiculously domestic, and Patton would not have had it any other way.

They still didn’t really understand how or why their soulmarks had developed—Logan had done a lot of research, including discussions with university professors and “soulmark experts” but to no avail, they just hadn’t been able to get a definitive answer. Patton, however, had his own theory.

Things had needed to happen this way and the universe had simply recognised that.

Love is a journey, something you learn to give throughout your life, especially when you’re set to undergo as many challenges as the four of them had. Patton isn’t sure how he feels about fate but he knows in his heart that things would have been… different if they had developed their soulmarks when they were supposed to.

And he was right.

Logan had needed to wait. He’d needed time to develop feelings before his soulmark appeared, needed it to be clear  _he_  was the one in control of his own destiny.

There were a billion ways Logan’s story could have ended, but the worst were the ones where he died cold and alone, regretting with every inch of his decaying form that he hadn’t spent more time caring for others. The pursuit of knowledge was all well and good, but it’s little comfort when relaxing into the cold embrace of death.

He would wish for someone to be there with him—someone with a soft, warm smile and compassionate words, someone with large and excitable gestures, ready to tell him a story to soothe his mind, someone soft and quiet, eyes filled with tears and silent acceptance. He would lay there wishing for people who would make him feel loved and fulfilled until he felt finally nothing at all.

There’s no way to know for sure that what he  _had_  been given was the best outcome, but there was also no way to know that it wasn’t.

Roman had also needed to wait.

He’d needed to learn that he was a person, first and foremost. He was not one half of a whole, he was a unique individual who may be made better by being in a partnership, but had an intrinsic worth of his own—he may not have quite reached that point by the time he’d met his soulmates, but he’d made a start, and it was enough.

Had Roman developed a soulmark when he was a child the way he “should have” he would have spent his whole relationship basing his self-worth on the love he received from his partners. Fights would have been a nightmare for him, making him feel worthless and unlovable. He would have stormed out a million times, he would have sobbed to himself to sleep, unable to confront the others about the way his heart broke with each criticism and how deep his depression and insecurities actually ran.

In some universes that was all Roman could handle. And they never recovered.

Patton had needed to wait. He’d needed a chance to develop the optimistic outlook that he had, a unique perspective comprised of years of contemplation and familial love.

Not having a soulmark had given him something that had not only altered  _his_  view of the world but those around him's too. Patton’s intense empathy and care for others was an integral part of his character, it did not vary too much throughout his different stories, but his success rate did.

Patton had saved people’s lives. Whether this was something he was aware of remained to be seen, however, it was unfortunately not always the case. Sometimes Patton failed—even in the universe that played out, Patton had failed—but his outlook gave him a weapon. It gave him a fighting chance at convincing people to stay, to convince them that they are more than a soulbond—they are a human being.

Sometimes he gave too much of himself away, but he here had the others to keep him grounded and safe.

And lastly, Virgil had needed to wait. Much like Roman, he'd needed a chance to develop a sense of self-worth, but instead of separate from those who may be close to him, separate from societal norms.

Virgil grew up knowing what soulmates were supposed to be like. He grew up knowing the responsibility and the expectations that came with it, hearing all those beautiful love stories of people  _dying_  for their soulmates, thinking that’s what you were supposed to do. But now he knew better.

Due to not having a soulmark, Virgil had been removed from the situation. None of those expectations had been placed on him, and he’d come to learn that although rejection is terrifying and people can be cruel, he was allowed to want things for himself. He was allowed to establish boundaries and he was not at the whim of anybody but himself.

Gaining a soulmark when he was a child would have caused Virgil to push himself far beyond what he was ever comfortable with. And Roman—desperately seeking any kind of attention—would have taken and taken and taken without knowing how much it was weighing on Virgil, without ever recognising how drained and miserable his boyfriend had become.

He would’ve found it hard to be happy in his relationship and he would hate himself for feeling that way because they’re his  _soulmates_. He’s  _supposed_  to give them everything he has! Even if he’s feeling like he’s running out of things to give.

But none of that happened.

All the ways the events of this story could have played out were  _not_  how they played out. The universe knew they had to wait… and so they'd waited.

Their soulmark, though not representing a significant moment in their lives the way they often did, was far from chosen at random—Asters represent love and patience, and after all, the four of them had certainly gained that.

Patton may not know the specifics, but he knew in his heart that the way things had gone resulted in the best possible outcome for all of them. The story may be unconventional, sure, but it was theirs. And he was so incredibly grateful that he got to be a part of it.

“Patton?”

The sound of his name broke Patton free from his thoughts. He jerked his head up from where his gaze had been trailing slow swirls on the carpet, a soft, “Hmm?” pulled from his throat almost instinctively.

Roman was looking at him, head tilted and mild concern painting his features, as Patton belatedly realised he’d been asked a question. Darn.

“I asked if you needed anything while I was with…” Roman trailed off, eyes flickering over his boyfriend’s face as if searching for something. “Are you alright?”

Both of the others were also looking over now, though Logan’s eyes were half closed as he was still partly in the clutches of sleep. Virgil had even placed his phone down, his expression clearly worried, and Patton couldn’t fight the impulse to just soothe their unease.

“Oh! Um, of course, I am!” he answered quickly, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Virgil threw him a disapproving look. Virgil was—Patton might say unfortunately, but he knows he that he shouldn’t—very good at seeing through his lies, so bottling things up wasn’t really an option anymore. Of course, he knows it’s good for his mental health in the long run, but it certainly doesn’t make things easy for him.

“Patton…”

He winced. “Right, right, not hiding my feelings, I know. It’s just-”

He could feel tears building up behind his eyes, threatening to spill out, and Roman strode quickly across the living room floor to kneel in front of him. Taking Patton’s hands gently into his own, Roman pressed a kiss to his palm, pulling them close to his chest and Patton had to bite at his lip to stop from bursting into tears immediately.

“Sweetheart, what is it?” His voice was sweet and understanding and Patton was so full of love for them all that it was overwhelming. “Is something wrong?”

“No! It’s just…” Patton inhaled shakily, eyes scanning over to Virgil and Logan sitting on the couch. Logan had clearly decided this was something worth sitting up for, though he was still leaning against Virgil, who was leaning back into him in turn.

It was sweet just how cuddly Logan got when he was sleepy. Previously, Patton had only had the pleasure of knowing Roman’s level of affection—which was A Lot, All the Time, Yes Please and Thank You—but now he knew Logan’s gentle guiding touches, Virgil’s absentminded petting, the way that sleep made both of them incredibly clingy.

He knew the way Virgil would seek him out after a long day to lie with his head in Patton’s lap, listening to Patton babble on and on to keep his mind off of things. He knew the way Logan would melt if Patton wrapped his arms around him when Logan was working at his desk, all the stress and tension disappearing in the warmth of his touch. He knew how Roman would swirl patterns into his skin as they laid in bed, trying to drift off, never quite settling until all four of them had finally curled up beside him.

He dropped his eyes down to Roman’s chest where his hands were still held, shaking his head slightly in disbelief because  _this is something he gets to have_.

_Gods_ , he was solucky.

“...You’re all so perfect, you know that?” He looked to meet their slightly stunned expressions, his eyes crinkling at the corners as more tears gathered. “And I love you so,  _so_  much.”

The admission prompted a soft, quiet smile to appear on Roman’s face—it was a smile reserved solely for the three of them and it made Patton’s chest lift as tears began to fall. Roman reached out, wiping them away as they made their appearances, pressing lightly against his skin.

“Jeez, Pat, you make it sound like you’re dying,” Virgil joked, but the fond look in his eyes gave him away—he was a sap at heart, even if he’d never admit it.

Patton laughed wetly. “No, no, I’m not dying. ‘m just happy.”

“Well, we love you too, sweetheart.”

Roman leant up to press a kiss to his cheek and Patton felt himself flush slightly at the contact—casual affection was the way to his heart and they all knew it. He  _did_  love big displays—it was very sweet when his boyfriends (usually Roman) went to all that effort—but the soft, little everyday things definitely meant a lot to him.

“Of course, we do.” Logan shifted around on the couch, barely stifling a yawn.

Virgil wrapped his arm around Logan’s shoulders, softening as his boyfriend burrowed further into him before gesturing for Patton to move towards them. “Come ‘ere, babe. We demand cuddles.”

Patton giggled, retrieving his hands from Roman and pulling himself up out of the chair. They were all well aware that he could never turn down cuddles. He flopped himself down next to them, seeing the way Logan immediately adjusted to the change, managing somehow to commandeer Patton’s arm and chest as well as Virgil’s in some sort of twisted up human pretzel of a cuddle pile.

Roman had stood up as Patton had and appeared as if he were about to join them, but was stopped abruptly by Logan’s muffled voice.

“Roman. Appointment.”

Roman’s eyes widened, inhaling sharply in alarm. “Ah, shoot. I’m definitely going to be late. What’s the time?”

Virgil, having decided to give himself up to the cuddling, only muttered something incoherently, so Patton grabbed his own phone out of his pocket, trying his best not to jostle the half-asleep Logan.

“Oh!” Patton lit up as his screen turned on, displaying the time. “11:11! Make a wish!”

Two-thirds of the cuddle pile groaned, with interspersed muttering from Logan about how wishes were illogical and how 11:11 is a no more significant time than any other. For just a moment, though, the apartment fell silent, and Patton knew despite their protests they were wishing still.

And then it passed, Roman startling them out of the quiet with a goodbye, a chaste forehead kiss for each of them—though he couldn’t quite reach Logan’s forehead in the position he was in and had to settle for the top of his head instead—and a slam of the door.

Patton grabbed the remote to switch on the TV, trying to find something to occupy himself until he had to start lunch. Virgil eventually picked his phone back up, sending memes to Roman for him to see after his appointment just in case things got too emotional. Logan, surrounded by the warmth of his boyfriends, finally managed to fall asleep for a short duration, though he was abruptly awoken 20 minutes later by Remy’s arrival.

Patton was always adamant that if you say your wish aloud it won’t come true. As such, the four of them had no way of knowing that at that moment each of them had wished for the same thing—the  _one_  thing that they could think to want for.

Logan, vulnerable for the first time in his life, relishing in the way it felt to open up knowing you’re only going to receive love and care in return, knowing that he was safe.

Virgil, comfortable and accepted and far happier than he’d ever thought he could be, aware that finally he’s found his place—somewhere he didn’t have to worry.

Roman, experiencing the security of having people who adored him, making an effort to understand just how wonderful he truly was and how many good things he deserved.

Patton surrounded by all the love he’d ever wanted, feeling bright and hopeful for the rest of their lives together, feeling like he was finally living up to all those expectations he’d put on himself.

All of them, with their eyes shut and their hearts full, had wished only for this happiness to last.

So the universe smiled and gave them all one last gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s all he wrote, folks! Thank you so much to all of y’all who’ve followed along with this story and left nice comments (and I do read every tag on all of my writing), it really means the world to me. I’ve put,,, A Lot of effort into this fic and I’m pretty proud of how it’s turned out, all things considered.
> 
> I hope you’ve all enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me on tumblr!! ~ [sign-from-god-complex](https://sign-from-god-complex.tumblr.com/) ~


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